So where were we? Ah yes, still here, somehow. Now we move into the portion of the book I like to call “Teresa Describes Parties She Throws and Attends and Also Vacations She Has Gone On and What She Wore and Ate and Did Not Eat and Also Who Was There and Was Not There.” It is as compelling as it sounds! First, as we will see this season on RHONJ, the women go to Milan. Teresa almost doesn’t get to go because her father went back into the hospital, but ended up making it in just the nick of time. Mi donna mia, as she would say! Anyway, imagine Teresa reading you a “what I did on my summer vacation” report on her trip to Italy in a very monotone voice while sleepily throwing in facts about Milan. Like that she named Milania that because she was pregnant with her in Italy. Speaking of, where has Milania been in this book? I need more of her!
SO Juicy Joe has entered the big house, and Tre is now a single parent to her gaggle of Italian Jon Benets and life is stressful af, yo. Shockingly, this book is not super organized in terms of order. Tre lashes out at Joe repeatedly and then intermixes that with sweet stories of their relationship in the “good times” before they were caught for all of their financial crimes. At the beginning of the book, I was POSITIVE that Teresa was going to divorce Joe (and leave him for her lawyer- she has total mentionitis with him and constantly mentions their conversations and he seems to be present in every part of her life, not just her many legal issues), but then she talks about him with the same reverence she had in the last book. I mean, I understand that marriage and relationships are complicated, but Tre is a pretttttttty simple person and seems to be very black and white, and has finally realized that Joe ruined their lives, caused her to be in prison for most of the last year of her mother’s life, and is an alcoholic pig who hasn’t taken responsibility for ANYTHING. Ditch him, Tre!
Oh man, here we are again. As you may recall, I listened to Teresa read her first book, Turning the Tables as one of my first reviews. As she basically sounded like a dying Furby, I swore to NEVER AGAIN put myself through that. Ah, the ignorance of youth. At that point, I hadn’t yet dulled my sense by consuming SO many terrible books, including a how to please your Neanderthal husband guide from Tre’s own SIL, Melissa, Danielle Staub’s INSANE memoir (she still claims to have been engaged 19 times, also that she is not a prostitution whore), drank the murkey blk. water of the Manzo children and, y’all, THAT IS JUST FROM THE CAST OF RHONJ. I can DO THIS! Continue reading
Like all good entrepreneurs who have exhausted every other income/product stream (I mean seriously? there is Skinnygirl deli meat now), Bethenny Frankel must now write children’s books. What a weird way for her to go- for someone who is so OBSESSED with her “brand,” which is basically aggressive female hysteria and low-cal booze- a super girly kids book?
Um, you guys, I have been wanting to try Tipsy Girl wine since Sonja came UP with her cheater brand scheme. However, after going from website to website to website to try to even FIND the effing thing, I found out they are out of the Prosecco AND that they can’t currently ship to my flyover state. GODAMMIT. I mean, I am really not that surprised… Sonja never came out with her toaster oven cookbook, which is one of the tragedies of all of our lives.
Even though I think the original Skinnygirl margarita is too sour and best in very small doses (much like Bethenny herself), I thought that the white peach version might actually be delicious. It sounds so refreshing and summer-y, right? After all, I did genuinely like the Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo, even though that was mostly due to the fact that it just looked like straight up water (#tricky) so maybe the peach version of the marg would be surprisingly delicious? Continue reading
Oh Shannon Beador… I can’t help but love you. I love that you have been on a reality show for several years but you STILL get drunk, say WAY too much personal stuff, have NO problem acting like a complete psycho AND drag your flailing marriage to an Aryan robot into your storyline every year. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?!
YOU GUYS, are you wonder what the EFF Andy Cohen is smoking bringing back resident awkward weirdo Lydia McLaughlin (I had to google her to find out her last name- not good brand recognition, better get whatever shitty intern you have on that right away, Lyds) to Real Housewives of Orange County? As much as I hate her (and her AMAZINGLY TERRIBLE WEBSITE), why not bring back Gretchen Rossi and her creepy dad, I mean fiancé, Slade Smiley (lol til the end of time at that name)? You know they would BRING IT to guarantee they remained on the show (and ostensibly, not become homeless. what do people like them do for money after a reality show?!)
So after the (semi?) successful attempt at making a British-American dish like the chia muffins (some of these recipes seem to just be either very American or very British, tbh), I decided to get all kinds a fancy and make something I have never done before- fish in parchment paper. Steamed Mediterranean Fish Parcels, to be exact. Doesn’t that sound bougie af? Continue reading
GUYS do you watch Ladies of London on Bravo? I never had much of an interest until last year when I finally watched my first season. It’s SO GOOD. Caroline Stanbury is the Lisa Vanderpump of London (which is v confusing, as Lisa is British too) and may very well be the BEST reality villain on Bravo. I LUFF HER. Unfortunately for us, she did not write this book. Little Marissa Hermer (her American accent sounds AWFUL next to all of these posh ladies, but not as bad as that blogger Julia or Juliette or whatever) did. Continue reading