SO even though Kristin and Jay Cutler called off their original engagement (right after Kristin did a photo shoot in wedding gowns for Life & Style or one of the lesser US Weekly-type mags, oopsie), they did get back together! This book sure is long considering it has NO details really or continuity. In one paragraph, Kristin and Jay are getting back together and in the next, Kristin talks traveling tips with a child. These tips are things like “bring snacks and an iPad,” so they seem to be for people who have never met children before.
If Instagram were a person, I’m pretty sure that person would be Kristin Cavallari. Think about it: bronde (blonde + brown) hair with perfect blonde face-framing tendrils, famous athlete husband, cute kids, a commitment to health and wellness with absolutely no credentials whatsoever. I never really had that big of an opinion about KCav either way, until it came out that she was against vaccinating her children. When asked why, Kristin basically said she had a read “a study” but couldn’t remember the name of it and also don’t discount Dr. Jenny McCarthy! So now i think she is a grade A moron, but she is like, really pretty, so let’s see what other bon mots she can offer us!
First off, Kyle explains how she and Kim are “different” people because Kim likes ketchup and Kyle likes mustard. Kim likes hamburgers, Kyle likes hot dogs. Oh well, glad we cleared that all up! Time to pack it in and go home now!
So where were we? Kyle quickly won over Mauricio’s whole family, natch, and then lists a bunch of times he pissed her off. To quote a Kardashian, there is LITERALLY no organization to her book. It is the most unedited mess I have ever read, and that is saying a lot. Not only does Kyle jump all over the place, she punctuates nearly every sentence with Ha! Ha! ESPECIALLY when things are not at all funny. You just know Kyle finds herself to be so goddamn delightful and this book just reflects that.
Oh Kyle Richards, you zany Becky with the good hair! What can we say about Kyle that she hasn’t already said herself. She was born to be on reality television, as with the rest of her family: Kyle’s niece, Paris Hilton, was the queen of the blonde-haired, no-brained nonsense party girls of the early aughts, and her sister, former RHOBH castmate, Kim Richards is the sad combination of drug-addled and clueless that normally is shown on shows like Hoarders or Intervention. Kyle is just the plain ol’ narcissistic beautiful person who loves saying she hates drama almost as much as she actually loves drama.
THIS IS THE END, MY FRIENDS! Day three! I can practically taste the coffee (cough, vodka, cough). Honestly, it hasn’t been that bad. I just feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder’s poor mom who has to make every g-d meal from scratch and then clean up for an hour and then start all over again.
missed the detox/prep info or day one? check em out!
I slept pretty well after my first day on the detox. I was really concerned I would be too hungry to sleep (as was the issue with the juice cleanse I did last summer- I just stared at the ceiling and fumed at the self-created unnecessary situation I was in and counted the minutes), but I was completely satisfied after yesterday’s meals. WHAT HAVE I BECOME!?
AND SO IT BEGINS!
Like those on any major journey/life-changing sojourn, I was excited and clueless. Doesn’t three days sound so short, especially when this basically promises to turn me into a waif-like vegan sprite in just 72 hours?*
*this doesn’t promise this at all.
Next week, I am doing something a little different on Real Hockwives. Rather than turning my fingers green from whatever horrible jewelry line a real housewife is hocking this week, I decided to turn to the much-reviled goddess of all things smug and healthy, Miss Gwyneth “GOOP” Paltrow.
Even though I am not the biggest fan of Skinnygirl Margaritas (SO freaking sour, but not bad if you add a bunch of other stuff to it, much like Bethenny herself), but this book actually looked kind of interesting. It’s summer and I love a fun cocktail, so why the hell not?