The Snooki Shop: A Review


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we didn’t deserve you, snooki. image source:

Did y’all know that the cast of Jersey Shore did a reunion of sorts on E!?  Everyone was there, well, minus Ron (RAHN), Deena (underwears!) and Vinnie.  I didn’t watch it, but it made me nostalgic for the relatively simple days of 2009 where a pint-sized meatball, dressed in leopard and a neon trucker hat, barreled into our televisions.  AND OUR HEARTS!  Seriously, in a time when almost all reality stars are so self aware and pushing their shitty “brand” (cough, Bethenny Frankel, cough) down our throats every five seconds, having a full cast of people who were just unapologetically themselves seemed almost quaint!

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There is No F**king Secret: Part One


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not gonna lie, that hair is badass. image source:

Isn’t it crazy to think that The Osbournes premiered on MTV more than FIFTEEN years ago?  Y’all, we are old af.  It’s also straight loony tunes to realize that without Ozzy, Sharon, Jack & Kelly, there would probably be no reality television like we have today.  It’s so weird to imagine watching just scripted shows with like Juliana Margolis and no screaming pile of hair extensions and silicone crying because her dog’s cat’s cat mitzvah was a disaster. Continue reading

Bulletproof: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

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goddammit, rhiiiine. image source:

Breaking up is hard, y’all.

So, turns out that getting engaged on your 17th birthday right before you give birth is not the happy ending that so many dumb tweens watching 16 & Pregnant think it is.  Maci gave it the old college try, but turns out that spending your life with a monosyllabic man-child who has no interest in being a “teen dad” is not really good for anyone.  Even lil Bentley.  Maci, relationship troubs aside, loved being a mom and felt like she had really good instincts right from the jump and didn’t need Rhiiiine’s bullshit anyway. Continue reading

Bulletproof: Part One



god, I feel old just looking at this. image source:

Guys, I have mostly avoided Teen Mom and it’s… stars(?) until this point because I find the whole thing just too… sad.  Obviously making these mostly disenfranchised children reality stars didn’t do much for improving their life, considering having more money seemed to only increase addictions (to fame, plastic surgery, drugs, etc) and didn’t do much to help their offspring either.  But of all the sad, sad girls, Maci seemed to be the most level headed and actually appeared to be a good mother.  Besides Caitlynn (and Tyler!  they are the best), Maci seemed to actually be somewhat mature, especially when dealing with the sack of shit father of her son, Bentley.

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lol u r horrible! image source:

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Real Hockwives 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

Still struggling to finish your last minute holiday shopping?  Let me help you buy for all of the ladies (and gents) in your life, featuring items I reviewed this past year!  Happy holidays!  I’ll be back with fresh nonsense in the new year!

For your aunt who loves to cook but might also be illiterate

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I would highly recommend Skinny Italian or Fabulicious!, if she is really not into the English language.  There are enough photos of the food (plus bonus photos of Juicy Joe Giudice!) that she might be able to figure it out. Continue reading

Balancing in Heels: Cooking with Kristin

missed part one, part two, part three or part four? check em out!

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I also gaze solemnly at my peppers while prepping them. image source:

SO now that we have learned how to not eat like a garbage person, it’s time to cook with Kristin.  I figured her recipes would be reminiscent of the food I ate on Gwyneth Paltrow’s goop cleanse, and I was not wrong.  Kristin herself is very goop-lite and I wouldn’t be surprised if she launched a full-on lifestyle brand website soon.  Instagram-type persons are very good at creating an enviable-looking world, and some (Gwyneth, Reese Witherspoon) are very successful whereas others fall laughably short (Blake Lively, RIP Preserve).  Based on this book alone, unless Kristin hires a crack marketing team, I am not holding my breath.

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Balancing in Heels: Part Four

missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

kristin bangs


So now that we have worked on our insides, it’s time to focus on what really matters: hair and make-up!  Kristin doesn’t care about make-up that much but she like, really likes her hair.  A psychic told her mom when she was pregnant with Kristin that her daughter would be obsessed with her hair and she was sooooo spot on!  That is like the most southern California sentence ever written.

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