So where were we? Ah yes, still here, somehow. Now we move into the portion of the book I like to call “Teresa Describes Parties She Throws and Attends and Also Vacations She Has Gone On and What She Wore and Ate and Did Not Eat and Also Who Was There and Was Not There.” It is as compelling as it sounds! First, as we will see this season on RHONJ, the women go to Milan. Teresa almost doesn’t get to go because her father went back into the hospital, but ended up making it in just the nick of time. Mi donna mia, as she would say! Anyway, imagine Teresa reading you a “what I did on my summer vacation” report on her trip to Italy in a very monotone voice while sleepily throwing in facts about Milan. Like that she named Milania that because she was pregnant with her in Italy. Speaking of, where has Milania been in this book? I need more of her!
SO Juicy Joe has entered the big house, and Tre is now a single parent to her gaggle of Italian Jon Benets and life is stressful af, yo. Shockingly, this book is not super organized in terms of order. Tre lashes out at Joe repeatedly and then intermixes that with sweet stories of their relationship in the “good times” before they were caught for all of their financial crimes. At the beginning of the book, I was POSITIVE that Teresa was going to divorce Joe (and leave him for her lawyer- she has total mentionitis with him and constantly mentions their conversations and he seems to be present in every part of her life, not just her many legal issues), but then she talks about him with the same reverence she had in the last book. I mean, I understand that marriage and relationships are complicated, but Tre is a pretttttttty simple person and seems to be very black and white, and has finally realized that Joe ruined their lives, caused her to be in prison for most of the last year of her mother’s life, and is an alcoholic pig who hasn’t taken responsibility for ANYTHING. Ditch him, Tre!
Oh man, here we are again. As you may recall, I listened to Teresa read her first book, Turning the Tables as one of my first reviews. As she basically sounded like a dying Furby, I swore to NEVER AGAIN put myself through that. Ah, the ignorance of youth. At that point, I hadn’t yet dulled my sense by consuming SO many terrible books, including a how to please your Neanderthal husband guide from Tre’s own SIL, Melissa, Danielle Staub’s INSANE memoir (she still claims to have been engaged 19 times, also that she is not a prostitution whore), drank the murkey blk. water of the Manzo children and, y’all, THAT IS JUST FROM THE CAST OF RHONJ. I can DO THIS! Continue reading
Remember when Albie Manzo was going to be a lawyer? And then a cop? But he gave up all of those illustrious career paths to bring happiness to the masses. And by happiness, I mean blk. water. As in black water.
So, have you GOT IT yet? Not me, still just over here, wondering how the eff this book got published. The layout legitimately looks like an old issue of Sassy magazine from 1993 and I am truly wondering if I currently posses the only copy of this book ever published. Continue reading
You guys, I am confused.
First of all, Jacqueline Laurita wrote a book? And maybe I missed something, but I feel like she never mentioned it ONCE her whole crazy pants last season of RHONJ? These hos are usually shilling every chance they GET (see: Bethenny Frankel) and she mentioned the stupid popcorn company (just what everyone wants- smaller popcorn kernels!) one million times but never this?
At Real Hockwives, we have a LOT of opinions and would like to take this opportunity to give some of our favorite (and LEAST favorite) reality “stars” some advice for the new year!
Kim Zolciak Biermann: No more plastic surgery
Still struggling to finish your last minute holiday shopping? Let me help you buy for all of the ladies (and gents) in your life, featuring items I reviewed this past year! Happy holidays! I’ll be back with fresh nonsense in the new year!
I would highly recommend Skinny Italian or Fabulicious!, if she is really not into the English language. There are enough photos of the food (plus bonus photos of Juicy Joe Giudice!) that she might be able to figure it out. Continue reading
missed Fabulicious Part One? check it out!
After I made Zuppa di Verdure, I wanted to make a heartier dish for my next foray into the gilded land of Giudice deliciousness. Luckily, there really are a lot of options in Fabulicious (god, if I never have to type that word out again, I would be a very happy girl) that aren’t just pasta. Honestly, I barely looked at any of the descriptions and went mostly by the photos. Like any good real housewife, I simply did not (could not) read and based my judgements on purely superficial photos. I’m learning!
Former inmate Teresa Giudice can’t write for shit (see: Turning the Tables) but she actually can cook (see: Skinny Italian)! Well, I wanted to see if that first time was just a fluke, like no one realizing what an insane monster person Jacqueline Laurita was for seven seasons of The Real Housewives of Ney Jersey. MAN. What happened there?