Kim Kardashian: Fit in Your Jeans by Friday!

fit in your jeans

look, it’s Kim’s old face!  RIP.

YOU GUYS.  Summer is almost here!  And we all want to get those bikini bodies, or revenge bodies, or break-up bodies or whatever US Weekly is calling them this week.  And one Miss Kimberly Kardashian-West is here to get us in our jeans by Friday.

BY FRIDAY.

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Let Me Tell You Something: Cooking with Caroline

missed Part One or Part Two? check them out!

chef

smoorgy smorgs! image source: makeagif.com

Like the good Italian that she is, Caroline included some recipes in a pdf that came with the audiobook.  Now, I was actually excited to make one of Caroline’s recipes.  The women of the Real Housewives of New Jersey may be nucking futs, but I assume they can cook their crazy asses off.

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Let Me Tell You Something: Part Two

missed Part One?  Check it out here

Where were we?  Ah yes, about to jump into the wonderful world of parenting, Manzo style.

chris manzo

relax, christaphah, yoah like 30 yeaahs old. image source: giphy.com

So, honestly, the Manzo children do actually seem to have been raised well.  Of all the real housewives, Caroline seems like she would be one of the best mothers.  Her three kids all seem to be happy and being on tv doesn’t seem to have made them narcissistic blowhards, which so many kids from this franchise seem to end up becoming.  Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashley, oh I’m sorry AshleE, was THE WORST.  I could barely watch her scenes.  And, of course, she had the most obvious reality show transformation.

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Let Me Tell You Something: Part One

let me tell you

about my FAMBILY! image source: newsobserver.com

After the straight nonsense that was both Turning the Tables AND Love Italian Style, I needed a little Caroline Manzo, queen of no bullshit in RHONJ fame, in my life.  Caroline has always been the matriarch for the RHONJ, the grand dame who rules with an iron, ginger fist.  She unfortunately left after season five (that sixth season!  With those weird twins?  I effing hated that mess) to be on her own show, the wonderfully (horribly? I can’t decide) titled Manzo’d with Children about her fambily.

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The Countess Collection: Part Two

lulu part 2

there’s more?! L’horreur! image source: reddit.com

YOU GUYS.  I thought I was done with ol’ CLu, but there are just MORE clothes from her, ahem, “Collection” that I have to talk about.  Plus, this season on RHONY, a necklace Lulu re-gifted to everyone’s second favorite Crazy Eyes, Ramotional Singer, from her Countess Collection* has been such a dramatic story line, that I thought we needed to take a second look.

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The Countess Collection: A Review

countess 1

“buy my shit or don’t. whatever. pass the bottle.” image source: giphy.com

Oh, Countess LuAnn.  You are truly the gift that keeps on giving.  After ditching her holier than thou attitude post-divorce from the Count, LuAnn’s weird reemergence as a hard-partying sixth-year senior (who is not going to graduate this semester, no matter what her bitch stepmom says) who is so clearly OVER it all is AMAZING.  I mean, her music career alone!  I could listen to “Money Can’t Buy You Class” on an endless loop forever and be so so happy.

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LVP Sangria: A Review

lvp 1

life isn’t all boone’s farm in a prettier package, but it should be.

Ah, Lisa Vanderpump.  How can you not love this woman?  She is like a British brunette, business-savvy Strawberry Shortcake brought to life.  As Beverly Hills tends to be the most fantastical of all of the Real Housewives (or Houzzzzwiiiives, as Kyle Richards says) franchises, and Lisa’s own Xanadu, Villa Rosa, has live swans to greet you at the floating walkway to her front door.

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Love Italian Style: Part One

love italian

gee, this sounds… I… what? image source: amazon.com

I should’ve known what I was in for when one of the Amazon reviews of this book was “I thought this was a transcript from a domestic abuse trial.”  What did I expect from Melissa Gorga, RHONJ’s bargain-basement (and sister-in-law of) Teresa Giudice?

FIRST OF ALL, I got the audiobook because these women are hilarious to listen to (even though I got pretty BADLY burned by Teresa’s “performance” of Turning the Tables). Guess what?  Melissa doesn’t even EFFING READ THIS HERSELF.

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Life on the Ramona Coaster: Part Two

Missed part one?  You can read it here

ramona nuts

I’m ready to get of the Ramona coaster now, please.  image source: promogif.com

So where were we?  Ah yes, Ramona gets to now tell us how to stay fit and look young forever, like her.  Well, she actually doesn’t tell us how she does it, just that she does.  She literally has Sports Illustrated-esque photos of herself in a bikini which she captions “my fit body.”  I would love to share them here but Ramona Singer, Age 56 seems like one litigious lady.  I mean, she does look great, but…

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