Heather’s Closet: Episode One

 

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“aren’t I soooo relatable?” image source: pinterest.com

Oh Heather Dubrow, what to do with you?  At first, you seemed like a normal who wandered into a blonde party of such craziness, that you truly seemed like the first real housewife who felt like she was aware of the fuckery going on around her.  BUT THEN I listened to your podcast and realized you need Shannon’s kookiness and Tamra’s trashy hot lady vibes to foil your uptight, brunette shtick.  By yourself, you are insufferable, and even in the midst of the melted Barbies screaming at each other that is the Real Housewives of Orange County’s deal, you have kind of lost the plot.  If you make me feel sorry for the pile of stained club shirts from Wet Seal that is Kelly Dodd, you are a BAD PERSON. Continue reading

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The Naked Truth: Part Four

missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

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so happy to have mine back now that this if finally over. image source: giphy.com

SO Danielle finally had her prince charming, Tom- or SO SHE THOUGHT.  He had an affair after her oldest daughter, Christine was born but they got through it and after some fertility issues, Jillian was born two years later.  Danielle was very rich and says that she and Tom never took out a loan for anything, including their two million dollar home.  As she never actually says what Tom did for a living, I am getting shade of Giudice alllll over this.  However, like everything else in this “book,” their marriage was no good.  With no real explanation, Danielle got a divorce and then was completely destitute (which makes zero sense- she never mentions a pre-nup and you KNOW she would’ve it there was one).  So why no alimony or child support from a man who had two million in cash to get a house? Continue reading

The Naked Truth: Part Three

missed part one or part two?  check em out!

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j’accuse! image source: tumblr.com

AND WE ARE BACK with the dramatic continuation of a soap opera come to life, Danielle Staub.  Seriously, according to Danielle, anything bad or traumatic that has ever happened to anyone EVER has happened to her times ten.  I am LEAVING OUT so many crazy details and STILL her story sounds so made up.  Onward!

So Danielle moves with her new guy Kevin up to New Jersey to start a “new” life.  Of course, this still included stripping for Danielle, because Kevin liked the money, even though he was an FBI agent.  How a woman who had recently been incarcerated in Florida and pled guilty to Kidnapping and Extortion was able to just move away while on probation is beyond me, but I digress.  However, after they moved, things did not go well for Dani & Kev.  He became increasingly paranoid and jealous of her dancing, even though he made her do it. Continue reading

The Naked Truth: Part Two

missed part one?  check it out!

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duly noted. image source: jezebel.com

SO where were we??  Ah yes, Danielle ran away to Florida and hob-nobbed with the likes of Don Johnson and other celebrities she was too scared to name because libel.  She also broke up with her boyfriend Billy after her modeling career took off and he couldn’t keep up with Danielle.  She had a fling with a very famous Olympian that I pray was Bruce Jenner, although you know Danielle’s thirst wouldn’t have let her be quiet about that one.  Danielle claims that Prince is the “best kisser EVA” which, can you even imagine that? I mean seriously, put that image in your mind. Continue reading

The Naked Truth: Part One

 

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don’t fret, I didn’t pay $3 for this… book. I bought it from the person that did!

Where were you when you first heard the earth-shattering news?

If you don’t know what I am talking about, you better sit down for this one.

Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub are friends again.

No really!  http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/teresa-giudice-talks-about-that-danielle-staub-reunion-watch-w447499

Continue reading

Kashmere Kollection Silken Body Polish: A Review

check out my other review of Kashmere: The Purifying Mask

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I wonder if the Kardashians are going to sue over all of this gratuitous K nonsense.  That’s THEIR thing.

SO almost every real housewife gets a “makeover” (lol) at some point after the first season, whether is be just stepping up their Botox game, getting a better stylist and make-up person, or, in the case of Kim Zolciak Biermann, just getting a whole new face. Continue reading