missed part one or part two? check em out!

Just when Holly didn’t think things could get ANY worse, life at the Playboy mansion proved to be hell over and over again.  Hef didn’t think she was pretty enough to be a Playmate, the mean girls just kept getting nastier and nastier and Holly was losing every bit of her individuality.

it that all there is? image source: tumblr.com

But unlike the parade of blonde whores that blew (lol) through the mansion and only lasted a few months, Holly was determined to outlast the mean girls.  Although this makes ZERO sense with how unhappy she keeps claiming she was, I guess living in a deranged competition 24/7 where the ultimate prize is an elderly perv in a silk robe maybe clouds one’s judgment a bit.   Holly and Bridget finally took matters into their own hands- they pawed through some photos of women that were going to be painted ladies at a Playboy party.  The saw three women: Tiffany, Kendra and one other one I forgot.  There are like 900 horrible blonde women in this book with zero characteristics except “bitchy plastic money whores” and I can’t remember all of them.  Holly and Bridget liked Tiffany the best, but she was CLASSY and wouldn’t sleep with Hef, so she was out.  The other one was a lil too chubby for Hef’s taste (God, what an asshole) so Kendra it was.  Even though Kendra seemed to be completely brain-dead and personality-less, Holly was ready for ANYONE to take the mean girls’ place, so she was ecstatic that Hef loved Kendra immediately.

now here’s a girl you bring home to mom! image source: giphy.com

Finally, the mean girls were out and Hef was cool to downsize his harem to just Holly, Bridget and Kendra.  However, things weren’t as rosy as Holly hoped they would be.  Kendra was demanding immediately, asking for a fancy car, a huge room and to get her teeth fixed.  Holly was appalled that Kendra showed her gold-digging tendencies so blatantly, while she kept her own under wraps (like a lady!)  Holly shares a hilarious anecdote where she and Bridget took Kendra out for cocktails (early too, gotta keep that 9 pm curfew!) and Kendra ordered a sake-tini.  However, she pronounced “sake” as rhyming with “rake” and the poor waitress was confused af until Kendra grew tired of screaming it over and over again and finally just pointed to the drink on the menu.

whatever bitch, just get me the drink. image source: wifflegif.com

But bratty Kendra was a vast improvement over five horrible bitches that hated Holly, so she was glad for the new, smaller crew.  A few months after Kendra moved in, Hef announced that they would be doing some test shooting at the mansion for several different reality show concepts, including one about the girlfriends.  Holly had zero expectations, as Hef’s girlfriends were traditionally interchangeable arm candy and didn’t even appear in the magazine as Playmates anymore.  However, producers like the dynamic of the three women and Hef and so they were told that shooting was going to begin on what would become The Girls Next Door.

in retrospect, what a weird opening. image source: giphy.com

Holly says that they were not actually ever asked if they wanted to be on a reality show, just told that they were.  Producers of the show were pretty harsh to the girls, constantly reminding them that they were “replaceable” and that the show was about whom Hugh Hefner chose to date, not about them.  However, they did FINALLY get the opportunity that each woman had been waiting for: they got to shoot a Playboy pictorial.  Holly mentioned SEVERAL times that she was the only main girlfriend of Hef’s to have never appeared in the magazine, which made her feel like total shit, so this was especially validating for her.  But when it came to payment for the pictorial, Holly was once again screwed by the old man she “loved.”  Each woman was to be paid $25,000 which was the standard rate for unknown women appearing as Playmates.  Reality stars received more, as did celebrities, so the women thought they should be getting paid more.  Then they found out this charming tidbit: not only would they get the smallest fee possible for appearing in Playboy, they also wouldn’t get a penny more for appearing on The Girls Next Door.

you trippin, Hef! image source: giffrific.com

For once, I agree with Holly: that is some grade A bullshit.  This whole production team took complete advantage of these women and essentially made them run around naked FOR NO MONEY AT ALL.  Kendra apparently asked why they weren’t getting paid and was basically told not to make waves or she would be replaced.  This is like some 1984 Orwellian-shit right here.  However, the show definitely had one good aspect: it made Holly, Bridget and Kendra closer than ever and there was harmony in the mansion for the first time in Holly’s stay.  But once Holly and Hef’s fifth anniversary rolled around, she was more depressed than ever.  Five years of her life!  Would she ever get Hef to herself and… did she even want that anymore?

it’s hard out there for a bunny. image source: giphy.com