The Secrets of My Life: Part Four

missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

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match made in reality tv heaven. image source: rebloggy.com

So Bruce meets Kris and decides SHE is the one that can get his life back on track.  And by life, he means career.  Kris was the most socially gifted human Bruce had ever met and was in awe of her ability to work a room.  “Shocking!” – no one ever.  Anyway, Kris immediately takes over Bruce’s career and fires his old management team.  She gets him back into shape (minus da boobies, which stayed even after he ceased the female hormone therapy) and finds him several exercise equipment endorsement deals.  Honestly, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop because so far, Caitlyn has said nothing bad at ALL about Kris.  So, either Kris completely (kompletely? no) overreacted to this book or, something is COMING, y’all.

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The Secrets of My Life: Part Three

missed part one or part two? check em out!

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not gonna lie, I love the lip color here. image source: tumblr.com

SO where were we? Ah yes, well Bruce finally mentions his sons he had with Linda Thompson, Brandon (who he calls one of his two best friends, the other being his son Burt) and Brody (who he calls a “successful DJ” #shade).  A lot of this book seems like an apology letter to his children, which is just really… sad.  Bruce had six kids with three different woman and besides Kendall and Kylie, wasn’t around hardly at all in their childhoods.  Maybe I am crazy, but I would prefer maybe some affirmation from my dad directly, not in a memoir.  But perhaps (perhaps!) my family dynamic is a little different than the Jenners. Continue reading

The Secrets of My Life: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

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isn’t it literally in the title of this book that she does? image source: rebloggy.com

So Bruce wins the gold medal at the 1976 Olympics in the decathlon and stares at himself naked in the mirror wearing only the medal (um, okay).  He should feel like he has accomplished something SO huge, but his gender issues (as he describes them) continue to plague his self-confidence.   Even though he had essentially turned himself into the very personification of masculinity, Bruce knew he was still really running away from himself (YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?  RUNNING!)  Before his training, Bruce met his first wife, Chrystie (just imagine if she had spelled her name Khrystie.  Somewhere in America, a teen mom just got an idea for her baby name).  While Bruce worked on the ‘Lympics, Chrystie worked as a flight attendant (this is all so 70s, I love it) and was the bread winner. Continue reading

The Secrets of My Life: Part One

 

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WHO BOY! image source: bittopper.com

OH Caitlyn with a C, never a K, Jenner, what to do with you?  When it finally came out that you were indeed transitioning to a female, I was in awe of you.  I mean, I do actually think it was super brave to do it in such a public fashion with all of the world watching.  I guess 2015 was a different time, as we didn’t quite realize how racist/sexist/homophobic the country still is until we got Trump (President Donald Trump!  Think about that again for a second.  It will never NOT be shocking) in the White House, but even so, I think it was so important for the trans community to have such a popular and public figure leading the charge.  There are so many misconceptions about marginalized groups and here was a KARDASHIAN-ADJACENT person AND a former Olympic gold-medalist who was a poster boy for American masculinity coming out and saying hey, I am actually a woman.  This was a BIG DEAL.

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Kardashian Dynasty: Part Five

missed part one, part two, part three or part four?

So, Rob Kardashian has dipped out on the family and for once, this doesn’t seem to be manufactured drama for Keeping up with the Kardashians.  He basically deleted his social media accounts, which were a big part of his income (due to shilling all of the stuff that all reality people seem to: detox teas, teeth whiteners, protein powders, etc).  Shockingly, Rob even stopped appearing on the show.  The family still mentioned him regularly, but usually just to comment on how sad his situation was.  His anger at Kim seemed to be the only thing Rob put out in public periodically.

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watch out, neil patrick harris.  kim kardashian is coming for youuuuu. image source: people funny.com

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Kardashian Dynasty: Part Three

missed part one or part two? check ’em out!

So it’s 2004 and Paris Hilton is EVERYWHERE.  After “someone else” leaked her sex tape with Rick Soloman (who was once married to Pamela Anderson, the queen of the celeb sex tape), Paris became famous for being famous.  She and her BFF Nicole Richie starred in the reality show The Simple Life, and young girls everywhere started wanting ridiculously short skirts, super deep tans and for all of their brain cells to disappear.

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god I love how tacky the early aughts were. image source: giphy.com

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Kardashian Dynasty: Part One

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all of this is my fault! and ray j’s! and prolly paris hilton’s. image source: giphy.com

YOU GUYS.  I have to admit something… I am kind of cheating here.  Kardashian Dynasty was not texted in emojis by Kylie.  Or slurred in a bender mess from Lord Disick.  In fact, this book wasn’t written by a Kardashian at all.  For the first time in Coral and Slate history, I am reviewing a book about a reality star that isn’t actually by them (and by that, I mean that it wasn’t written by a ghost writer with the star’s name on it/permission).

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