that’s what my brains is made of! image source: giphy.com
Y’all… what can we say about Miss Kelly Killoren Bensimon? I could barely watch her on Real Housewives of NYC due to her INSANE behavior, especially when the group went on the trip to “scary island” and Kelly officially lost her damn mind. She was basically the friendlier, less-plastic-surgeried version of Janice Dickenson on The Surreal Life: beautiful, leathery, and BATSHIT CRAZY.
missed part one, part two, part three or part four?
So, Rob Kardashian has dipped out on the family and for once, this doesn’t seem to be manufactured drama for Keeping up with the Kardashians. He basically deleted his social media accounts, which were a big part of his income (due to shilling all of the stuff that all reality people seem to: detox teas, teeth whiteners, protein powders, etc). Shockingly, Rob even stopped appearing on the show. The family still mentioned him regularly, but usually just to comment on how sad his situation was. His anger at Kim seemed to be the only thing Rob put out in public periodically.
watch out, neil patrick harris. kim kardashian is coming for youuuuu. image source: people funny.com
missed part one, two or three?
So Kim filed for divorce after a scant 72 days and the public response was… harsh. Everyone from Jon Hamm to Reese Witherspoon threw shade at Kim and her family for the lack of “reality” in all of their ventures.
snl’s nasim pedrad as kim was fantastic. image source: azcentral.com
missed part one or part two? check ’em out!
So it’s 2004 and Paris Hilton is EVERYWHERE. After “someone else” leaked her sex tape with Rick Soloman (who was once married to Pamela Anderson, the queen of the celeb sex tape), Paris became famous for being famous. She and her BFF Nicole Richie starred in the reality show The Simple Life, and young girls everywhere started wanting ridiculously short skirts, super deep tans and for all of their brain cells to disappear.
god I love how tacky the early aughts were. image source: giphy.com
missed part one? check it out!
SO where were we? Ah yes, Kris has finally separated from Robert and the beginning of their nasty split has taken a toll on the family. Kris swears off men for approximately 0.02 seconds before her friend introduces her to Olympian Bruce Jenner. And the rest is history!
can you imagine if these were your parents? image source: giphy.com
all of this is my fault! and ray j’s! and prolly paris hilton’s. image source: giphy.com
YOU GUYS. I have to admit something… I am kind of cheating here. Kardashian Dynasty was not texted in emojis by Kylie. Or slurred in a bender mess from Lord Disick. In fact, this book wasn’t written by a Kardashian at all. For the first time in Coral and Slate history, I am reviewing a book about a reality star that isn’t actually by them (and by that, I mean that it wasn’t written by a ghost writer with the star’s name on it/permission).
my child saw this and said “mommy!” I guess I have become a skinny Italian!
Last weekend, on the eve of the glorious return of The Real Housewives of New Jersey (I may or may not have shed real tears when Tre was re-united with her girls. Shut uppppp, I invested a lot of my life into that whole mess), I was slightly overhung.
man. a lotta shit has gone down since this was published.
YOU GUYS, Real Housewives of New Jersey is BACK! To celebrate, I almost re-listened to Turning the Tables, but I would rather set myself on fire than every have to deal with that mess again. SO instead, I decided to do some cooking with everyone’s favorite formerly incarcerated no brain, Teresa Giudice! Salut! Continue reading
So where were we? Ah yes, our Holls has finally met a nice guy! Even though she has some reservations (Mark is only 23 to her 31, he lives in NYC, he seems soooo nice, he doesn’t wear a side-cocked trucker hat or a silk smoking jacket, etc.), Holly is happy that she met someone she can actually be herself with.
OR CAN SHE?
maybe dawson is still single? image source: spoilthedead.com
missed part one? check it out here!
So where were we? Ah yes, Holly is desperate to prove everyone (literally, every being on the planet) that she can make it on her own without Hef! And that someday, someone will be able to love her for who she is, not what she can do for them (and they can look past the fact that she basically was a part of a harem for several years). AND DON’T YOU TRY TO SAY OTHERWISE!
like john locke before her, holly will also miraculously overcome paralysis- romantic & professional paralysis! image source: supjdlv.com
Real Hockwives 