I Can Make You Hot! Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

kkb 21.gif

excuse you, like there’s another gwyneth. image source: etonline.com

Onto the diet portion of the book, where Kelly proclaims that she doesn’t like diets or believe in them or go on them.  I would like to point out here that the subtitle of this book is “The Supermodel Diet,” but let’s not let things like logic or reality get in the way of Kelly’s proclamations.  This is the world we live in now!  Better get used to it. Continue reading

I Can Make You Hot! Part One


is the diet gummy bear-based?

YOU GUYS I finally found the RIGHT Kelly Bensimon (I’m sorry, I mean Kelly Killoran Bensimon, or KKB as she sometimes refers to herself) book on how to be hot af!  I once accidentally bought another book by KKB called The Bikini Book that was actually just a book about bikinis and pictures of them and shit. (you can read all about my shame here)  This time I CAN FINALLY learn all of KKB’s secrets!  Like be 6 feet tall and be naturally skinny and beautiful! Continue reading

V by Vicki Gunvalson: A Review

vicki 1.JPG


You guys, did you know that the OG real housewife, screaming briefcase of blonde hair extensions Vicki Gunvalson is also a PERFUMER?  (yes, I had to google that shit, don’t judge me).  Oh yes, Vicki has been a real housewife for nearly ELEVEN years.  Can you believe that?  In between horrible boyfriends and SO MUCH BUSINESS, Vicki has managed to stay relevant (lol) enough for Andy Cohen to keep her around.  Unlike so many lesser women, Vicki just can’t get enough of looking like a batshit crazy person, horrible mother and, of course, IMPORTANT BUSINESS WOMAN on our televisions. Continue reading

PUMP: A Review

pump 1.jpg

well, hello boys! image source: pinterest.com

Big news!  I finally stepped foot into Lisa Vanderpump’s mecca in the middle of West Hollywood: PUMP.  I have actually been to SUR before, way back in 2009 before it was the background of my (former) favorite Bravo show, Vanderpump Rules.  This season is garbage, and not even in the good way.


wait, I just remembered how awful Vale was. image source: hercampus.com

Continue reading

Get It! Part One



please ignore my chipped nail polish. I haven’t learned how to “get it” yet.

You guys, I am confused.

First of all, Jacqueline Laurita wrote a book?  And maybe I missed something, but I feel like she never mentioned it ONCE her whole crazy pants last season of RHONJ?  These hos are usually shilling every chance they GET (see: Bethenny Frankel) and she mentioned the stupid popcorn company (just what everyone wants- smaller popcorn kernels!) one million times but never this?

Continue reading

Bulletproof: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

maci sad.png

goddammit, rhiiiine. image source: tumblr.com

Breaking up is hard, y’all.

So, turns out that getting engaged on your 17th birthday right before you give birth is not the happy ending that so many dumb tweens watching 16 & Pregnant think it is.  Maci gave it the old college try, but turns out that spending your life with a monosyllabic man-child who has no interest in being a “teen dad” is not really good for anyone.  Even lil Bentley.  Maci, relationship troubs aside, loved being a mom and felt like she had really good instincts right from the jump and didn’t need Rhiiiine’s bullshit anyway. Continue reading

Bulletproof: Part One



god, I feel old just looking at this. image source: newsegg.com

Guys, I have mostly avoided Teen Mom and it’s… stars(?) until this point because I find the whole thing just too… sad.  Obviously making these mostly disenfranchised children reality stars didn’t do much for improving their life, considering having more money seemed to only increase addictions (to fame, plastic surgery, drugs, etc) and didn’t do much to help their offspring either.  But of all the sad, sad girls, Maci seemed to be the most level headed and actually appeared to be a good mother.  Besides Caitlynn (and Tyler!  they are the best), Maci seemed to actually be somewhat mature, especially when dealing with the sack of shit father of her son, Bentley.

maci 1.gif

lol u r horrible! image source: tumblr.com

Continue reading