Even though I am technically a millennial, I don’t really “get” Kylie Jenner. Now Khloe, her horrible book notwithstanding (although I am excited for her Revenge Body show on E!), Khloe I can get behind. She is funny as balls and has a ton of personality on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Kylie, on the other hand, appears to be about as animated and interesting as one of those “real girl” sex dolls come to life. Posing with duckface (that you can’t undo, as you have surgeried yourself into literally a duck) in front of a phone for 10 hours a day while you try on different wigs and shit sounds like the seventh circle of hell. I don’t understand idolizing a rich girl who wears Adidas track pants with more make-up than the entire cast of RuPaul’s drag race, but I never “got” Paris Hilton either, so there you go. I am a curmudgeon. Continue reading
So, Rob Kardashian has dipped out on the family and for once, this doesn’t seem to be manufactured drama for Keeping up with the Kardashians. He basically deleted his social media accounts, which were a big part of his income (due to shilling all of the stuff that all reality people seem to: detox teas, teeth whiteners, protein powders, etc). Shockingly, Rob even stopped appearing on the show. The family still mentioned him regularly, but usually just to comment on how sad his situation was. His anger at Kim seemed to be the only thing Rob put out in public periodically.
So it’s 2004 and Paris Hilton is EVERYWHERE. After “someone else” leaked her sex tape with Rick Soloman (who was once married to Pamela Anderson, the queen of the celeb sex tape), Paris became famous for being famous. She and her BFF Nicole Richie starred in the reality show The Simple Life, and young girls everywhere started wanting ridiculously short skirts, super deep tans and for all of their brain cells to disappear.
SO where were we? Ah yes, Kris has finally separated from Robert and the beginning of their nasty split has taken a toll on the family. Kris swears off men for approximately 0.02 seconds before her friend introduces her to Olympian Bruce Jenner. And the rest is history!
YOU GUYS. I have to admit something… I am kind of cheating here. Kardashian Dynasty was not texted in emojis by Kylie. Or slurred in a bender mess from Lord Disick. In fact, this book wasn’t written by a Kardashian at all. For the first time in Coral and Slate history, I am reviewing a book about a reality star that isn’t actually by them (and by that, I mean that it wasn’t written by a ghost writer with the star’s name on it/permission).
YOU GUYS. Summer is almost here! And we all want to get those bikini bodies, or revenge bodies, or break-up bodies or whatever US Weekly is calling them this week. And one Miss Kimberly Kardashian-West is here to get us in our jeans by Friday.
So, now our BODIES are on fleek (?) but it’s time to work on our MINDS, y’all. Because, as Khlo $$ Money (she inserts that nickname in there herself, randomly) wisely says, you can’t have a STRONG body without a NAKED I mean STRONG mind.
After I finished.. whatever the first section (read it here) of Strong Looks Better Naked is, I figured I had to make at least one recipe of Khloe’s to see if my ass would magically grow into bulbous perfection too. Plus, they are like the most basic things you have ever read. Seriously.
First, I thought I would make her “Kris Jenner” cocktail in honor of her now defunct show, Kocktails with Khloe (I accidentally wrote Kocktalks first and I think that would have made an excellent show name. Especially for a Kardashian). Hilariously, it is LITERALLY a vodka soda. With lime. And a watermelon (?) garnish.