Um, you guys, I have been wanting to try Tipsy Girl wine since Sonja came UP with her cheater brand scheme.  However, after going from website to website to website to try to even FIND the effing thing, I found out they are out of the Prosecco AND that they can’t currently ship to my flyover state. GODAMMIT.  I mean, I am really not that surprised… Sonja never came out with her toaster oven cookbook, which is one of the tragedies of all of our lives.

BUT BUT BUT… you CAN purchase Tipsy Girl, um, swag(?) currently.  And it is SO spectacularly terrible-looking that I can hardly stand it.  I mean, I thought Gretchen Christine Beauteeeee had the lockdown on the worst quality shit, but my little Sonja is giving her a run for her money.

First up, these… shorts?

I mean, the shitty quality, the obviously photoshopped-on words in the most boring font ever… how do these fit in with Sonja’s “international fashion lifestyle brand?”  This is a poor man’s Juicy Couture knockoff from 2004, not an article of clothing from THIS WOMAN:

Or wait… maybe these shorts ARE intended for the college girl for her early morning walk of, I mean “victory lap?”  Is that Sonja’s intended audience?  Is that who loves her?  College-aged party girls who wish Sonja was their… mom?  I LOVE Sonja and here are people I would rather be my mother than Sonja:

1. Kate Gosselin
2. Kris Jenner
3. Caitlyn Jenner (j/k, she was the worst parent ever)
4. RAMONA SINGER.  No, seriously.  I think Avery is doing okay? Although I guess I have never seen Sonja’s daughter…

Anyway, you can also buy THESE “super flattering” pants:

 

MAN they need to hire a real graphic designer for this garbage.  WHY is the font so small and low on the butt and uninteresting?  This looks like my mom attempted to photoshop something for the very first time and she barely knows what a computer looks like.

The best part is that they are described as “open-bottom” sweatpants, which is VERY ON BRAND for both Sonja AND Tipsy Girl, but what in the actual fuck does it mean?

I mean, does it mean that they are open at the leg holes?  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN IN REFERENCE TO PANTS!?!?  Methinks someone (let’s be honest, Connor or one of the other unpaid interns) just uploaded a photo directly from the shitty manufacturer and called it a day.

I feel like Sorority girls can get better quality sweats with their letters on them, and also maybe cheaper from Forever 21? At $24 bucks a pop, these babies won’t break the bank but they look like if you wash them even ONE time, you will end up with the least flatter capri pants that have ever existed.  So for basically $24/wear, you might want to invest elsewhere for your wear to a hangover breakfast in the dining hall pants.

Do you hate your husband / boyfriend / boy who is a friend / son / father /step-father / any other male in your life?  Well, YOU are in LUCK!

I mean, first of all, what man DOESN’T want to wear a Tipsy Girl hat?  And OBVIOUSLY the Tipsy Girl brand is SO well known (as it is an INTERNATIONAL BRAND yew guise) that the “TG” suffices as the full logo.  Also, you can see IN THE FUCKING PHOTO that all of the stitching on the brim of the hat is already coming loose!  Come on, unpaid interns!  I know that you are responsible for also keeping Sonja alive / grocery shopping / cleaning the brown ice in her freezer / calling Page Six to talk shit about Tinsley Mortimer, but you guys can DO BETTER!

I can’t believe how shitty this all looks.  I mean, I totally can, but this is pretty piss poor, even for Sonja.