So where were we? Ah yes, still here, somehow. Now we move into the portion of the book I like to call “Teresa Describes Parties She Throws and Attends and Also Vacations She Has Gone On and What She Wore and Ate and Did Not Eat and Also Who Was There and Was Not There.” It is as compelling as it sounds! First, as we will see this season on RHONJ, the women go to Milan. Teresa almost doesn’t get to go because her father went back into the hospital, but ended up making it in just the nick of time. Mi donna mia, as she would say! Anyway, imagine Teresa reading you a “what I did on my summer vacation” report on her trip to Italy in a very monotone voice while sleepily throwing in facts about Milan. Like that she named Milania that because she was pregnant with her in Italy. Speaking of, where has Milania been in this book? I need more of her!
Oh Shannon Beador… I can’t help but love you. I love that you have been on a reality show for several years but you STILL get drunk, say WAY too much personal stuff, have NO problem acting like a complete psycho AND drag your flailing marriage to an Aryan robot into your storyline every year. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?!
YOU GUYS, are you wonder what the EFF Andy Cohen is smoking bringing back resident awkward weirdo Lydia McLaughlin (I had to google her to find out her last name- not good brand recognition, better get whatever shitty intern you have on that right away, Lyds) to Real Housewives of Orange County? As much as I hate her (and her AMAZINGLY TERRIBLE WEBSITE), why not bring back Gretchen Rossi and her creepy dad, I mean fiancé, Slade Smiley (lol til the end of time at that name)? You know they would BRING IT to guarantee they remained on the show (and ostensibly, not become homeless. what do people like them do for money after a reality show?!)
YOU GUYS do you know that Vanderpump Rules is secretly my favorite show on Bravo? Well, it used to be anyway. I CANNOT get into this season. I hate Katie Maloney and her boring ass, matte-lipped Eeyore ass (ASS) trying to be the new Stassi shtick to be exhausting and so boring. I might end up team Lala soon if this shit doesn’t change. I do love me some Tom Schwartz and Stassi is amazing but… Stassi seems a little watered down this season and I don’t know what is up with Schena’s weirdo Twilight contacts and ever shrinking nose. James Kennedy is THE WORST PERSON who has ever been on reality television (maybe even worse than Jacqueline Laurita’s daughter Ashleigheeeyyyyeeeee) but he is not wrong about her changing face. Homegirl is turning into a straight up avatar and it is frightening. Can’t she release some horrible new song so we all have something to laugh at? Continue reading