SO Juicy Joe has entered the big house, and Tre is now a single parent to her gaggle of Italian Jon Benets and life is stressful af, yo. Shockingly, this book is not super organized in terms of order. Tre lashes out at Joe repeatedly and then intermixes that with sweet stories of their relationship in the “good times” before they were caught for all of their financial crimes. At the beginning of the book, I was POSITIVE that Teresa was going to divorce Joe (and leave him for her lawyer- she has total mentionitis with him and constantly mentions their conversations and he seems to be present in every part of her life, not just her many legal issues), but then she talks about him with the same reverence she had in the last book. I mean, I understand that marriage and relationships are complicated, but Tre is a pretttttttty simple person and seems to be very black and white, and has finally realized that Joe ruined their lives, caused her to be in prison for most of the last year of her mother’s life, and is an alcoholic pig who hasn’t taken responsibility for ANYTHING. Ditch him, Tre!
Oh man, here we are again. As you may recall, I listened to Teresa read her first book, Turning the Tables as one of my first reviews. As she basically sounded like a dying Furby, I swore to NEVER AGAIN put myself through that. Ah, the ignorance of youth. At that point, I hadn’t yet dulled my sense by consuming SO many terrible books, including a how to please your Neanderthal husband guide from Tre’s own SIL, Melissa, Danielle Staub’s INSANE memoir (she still claims to have been engaged 19 times, also that she is not a prostitution whore), drank the murkey blk. water of the Manzo children and, y’all, THAT IS JUST FROM THE CAST OF RHONJ. I can DO THIS! Continue reading
Isn’t it crazy to think that The Osbournes premiered on MTV more than FIFTEEN years ago? Y’all, we are old af. It’s also straight loony tunes to realize that without Ozzy, Sharon, Jack & Kelly, there would probably be no reality television like we have today. It’s so weird to imagine watching just scripted shows with like Juliana Margolis and no screaming pile of hair extensions and silicone crying because her dog’s cat’s cat mitzvah was a disaster. Continue reading
So Bruce meets Kris and decides SHE is the one that can get his life back on track. And by life, he means career. Kris was the most socially gifted human Bruce had ever met and was in awe of her ability to work a room. “Shocking!” – no one ever. Anyway, Kris immediately takes over Bruce’s career and fires his old management team. She gets him back into shape (minus da boobies, which stayed even after he ceased the female hormone therapy) and finds him several exercise equipment endorsement deals. Honestly, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop because so far, Caitlyn has said nothing bad at ALL about Kris. So, either Kris completely (kompletely? no) overreacted to this book or, something is COMING, y’all.
SO where were we? Ah yes, well Bruce finally mentions his sons he had with Linda Thompson, Brandon (who he calls one of his two best friends, the other being his son Burt) and Brody (who he calls a “successful DJ” #shade). A lot of this book seems like an apology letter to his children, which is just really… sad. Bruce had six kids with three different woman and besides Kendall and Kylie, wasn’t around hardly at all in their childhoods. Maybe I am crazy, but I would prefer maybe some affirmation from my dad directly, not in a memoir. But perhaps (perhaps!) my family dynamic is a little different than the Jenners. Continue reading
So Bruce wins the gold medal at the 1976 Olympics in the decathlon and stares at himself naked in the mirror wearing only the medal (um, okay). He should feel like he has accomplished something SO huge, but his gender issues (as he describes them) continue to plague his self-confidence. Even though he had essentially turned himself into the very personification of masculinity, Bruce knew he was still really running away from himself (YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE!? RUNNING!) Before his training, Bruce met his first wife, Chrystie (just imagine if she had spelled her name Khrystie. Somewhere in America, a teen mom just got an idea for her baby name). While Bruce worked on the ‘Lympics, Chrystie worked as a flight attendant (this is all so 70s, I love it) and was the bread winner. Continue reading
OH Caitlyn with a C, never a K, Jenner, what to do with you? When it finally came out that you were indeed transitioning to a female, I was in awe of you. I mean, I do actually think it was super brave to do it in such a public fashion with all of the world watching. I guess 2015 was a different time, as we didn’t quite realize how racist/sexist/homophobic the country still is until we got Trump (President Donald Trump! Think about that again for a second. It will never NOT be shocking) in the White House, but even so, I think it was so important for the trans community to have such a popular and public figure leading the charge. There are so many misconceptions about marginalized groups and here was a KARDASHIAN-ADJACENT person AND a former Olympic gold-medalist who was a poster boy for American masculinity coming out and saying hey, I am actually a woman. This was a BIG DEAL.