missed part one? check it out!
now THAT is friendship. image source: tumblr.com
So now we all know that Alex and Simon are better than all of us and their kids are the most bi-coastal, cultured and well-traveled tots OF ALL TIME. You don’t have a name like Johan Van Kempen and eat McDonalds, playa. But they are still little scamps, just like your kids! In fact, one time, Johan thought the Hamptons was a country! Continue reading
LOOK AT SIMON’S FACE. image source: amazon.com
YOU GUYS, I am sure you have heard by now that Bravo’s number one try-hard Jill Zarin is going to appear on the next season of Real Housewives of New York. In the words of other famous New Yorker Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn’t help but wonder… whatever happened to resident weirdos Alex and Simon? Continue reading
missed part one, part two, or part three? check em out!
i love that Sheree put zero effort into changing anything about her life minus changing her name and being with an NBA player instead of an NFL star. image source: wifflegif.com
We finally reached the end, y’all! THANK YOU LAWD. This book was fun and all, but like binge watching a horrid season of Real Housewives, eventually you get sick of grown women acting ridiculous and you just want to dip back into real life. But with the current political landscape, maybe not! Bring it on, Andy! Do your worst! Continue reading
missed part one or part two? check em out!
chateau sheree might not be finished but it AIN’T a budget home! image source: perezhilton.com
SO now that Sasha has slept with Terrence, she is very nervous about everything thinking that she is a ho. Norman certainly doesn’t help matters and advises Sasha to never expect to hear from him again. Friendship! Sasha tries to not think of Terrence but get back to SASHA and SASHA’S very important dreams of her very own fashion empire. I think I would talk about this less (and laugh less) if She by Sheree had been the success Sheree is implying it was. Girl, you didn’t even have finished samples at your fashion show! Continue reading
missed part one? check it out!
she is a BUSINESS LADY. image source: tumblr.com
WHERE WERE WE?
Honey, Sasha is better than everyone around her, but she is not there to judge. She even becomes friends with Casey, her co-worker at the law firm she works at (where she is SO GOOD at time management, she even sketches fashions and works on her BUSINESS PLAN when she is done working on law stuff) even though Casey is married to a baller. People in the At- I mean HOTlanta elite are very obsessed with sports stars. I mean, obviously, as Sheree herself, Lisa Wu Hartwell, Kim Zolciak, DeShawn Snow, Porsha Williams etc. were all married to NBA or NFL players. God, remember DeShawn? Poor thing, so miscast. Continue reading
this gonna be good. image source: walmart.com
SO I decided to finally take my first foray into Real Housewife fiction. If anything screams “I have a totally original story idea, not just a thinly veiled version of my life as a reality star,” it’s a Bravo personality. I know Bethenny has a book, and Kelly Bensimon suggested I check out hers (no, really, she wrote that on an instagram post I did about her book I Can Make You Hot!) but if I am going to jump into this, I want to go BIG. And what could be better than a book by Sheree Whitfield with the words “Side Chicks” in the title? Continue reading
I like my water like I like my reality stars’ pasts: murky af and totally unappealing.
Remember when Albie Manzo was going to be a lawyer? And then a cop? But he gave up all of those illustrious career paths to bring happiness to the masses. And by happiness, I mean blk. water. As in black water.
missed part one or part two? check em out!
my shoulder hurts from dancing. take me to the hospital! image source: s111.photobucket.com
SO where were we? Ah yes, Tori was letting us know why she is basically just the hardest working lady plus best mother of all time and it’s fine that YOU (cough, Dean, cough) can have hobbies and make time for yourself, but Tori just can’t. So there is a long, super passive aggressive section where she just complains about Dean riding motorcycles and she hates it SO much but won’t tell him to stop because THAT would be annoying. Anyway, I can’t write about this topic anymore without ripping my own face off, so moving on!
You know who else Tori is better than? All of the other moms at her kids’ school. Continue reading
missed part one? check it out!
it’s hard out there for an overprivileged girl. image source: primogif.com
So, you know when your estranged mother, your husband’s ex-wife and you all have books coming out within 6 months of each other? And you aren’t speaking with either of them but you all talk a ton of shit about each other in your respective books? No? Well then you don’t know Tori’s PAIN. Anyway, even though Candy Spelling was being like so unfair about EVERYTHING, Tori wanted her mom to have a relationship with her kids, so she did what every normal person does: she sent them over with the nanny. Tori wanted her mom to see how much her son Liam was like her father- and you know that’s true because a psychic told her. Another psychic told her that her daughter Stella would have a special connection with Tori’s deceased pug, Mimi La Rue. Man, how does one get the job of being Tori Spelling’s psychic? Apparently all you need is an internet connection and with some light googling, you’ll likely be set for life. Or you would have back in 2010, as Tori doesn’t pay her bills anymore: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/tori-spelling-must-pay-amex-nearly-39k-in-unpaid-bills-w443227. Continue reading
there’s a lot to unpack in this photo… oh god, help us all. image source: goodreads.com
What to say about Tori Spelling… I honestly can’t believe it has taken me this long to review anything by a woman than has been on more reality shows than a Kardashian and will literally slap her name on any company willing to give her a paycheck (pretty sure homegirl is currently shilling for the Psychic Friends Network). Obviously, Tori (and her nefarious husband, Dean, who looks like the real life version of that ship captain from Family Guy) has had some… stumbles in the past few years, including one into a Benihana grill in what was quite possibly the weirdest celebrity (eh, I guess) story of 2015: Tori Spelling Hospitalized After Falling Onto Hibachi Grill at Benihana. Also, there was that whole Dean cheated on Tori with a maybe (probably) fictional Canadian girl named Emily Goodhand (heh heh) and the shitshow reality show True Tori that followed. Also, they are broke af somehow and also Tori is pregnant again with their fifth child. Continue reading
Real Hockwives 