missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

i’m guessing the recipe is just gummy bears artfully arranged on some spinach. image source: primogif.com

You guys,something pretty funny happened… Kelly Bensimon liked ALL of my instagram posts about her and even commented with some heart emojis… Methinks she didn’t read any of my posts because I basically call her a crazy person who doesn’t know how to read… well, maybe she had her intern “read” it to her and she just heard the good parts!  Like she is thin and good at jogging amongst moving vehicles.

oh kelly… stop. image source: giphy.com

ANYWAY, maybe Kelly was just trying to enter my giveaway to get a copy of her own book (don’t forget to enter HERE!) and I don’t blame her, there is good shit in there (well, not really, but hey, it’s free!)  We have finally reached the end of Kelly’s quest to make us HOT through using our phones less (texting is not hot) and not doing the alcohol diet (unfortch) and now she will teach us to cook!

not going to argue with you there, bb.  image source: giphy.com

First of all, Kelly gives us yet another cuckoo bananas list of ideas on how to be QUIRKY and HAVE FUN!  This includes, and I swear on Andy Cohen that I am not lying to you, the recommendation to make grilled cheese sandwiches with your iron.  I mean… wut?  is grilled cheese even a hot person food?  And that seems like, super unnecessary.  Kelly seems like that one friend from your office that loves making crafts from the office supply closet and gets super hammered on like fucking daiquiris at happy hour and acts outrageous and everyone whispers about on Monday.  Like, homegirl just seems like such an exhausting try hard.

peace out!  image source: giphy.com

ANYWAY, onto the cooking!  And no, I am not ruining my fucking iron just for funsies.  I REALLY don’t trust most of Kelly’s ideas, so I decided to go basic af and pick out a simple salad.  I don’t want to ruin a nice piece of salmon with like jelly beans or some shit, so the Kelly Green salad it is.

kelly green salad!  I get it!  Lol Kel, you comedienne you!

So this salad is easy af.  It’s just arugula, olive oil, chickpeas, avocado, chopped almonds and lime juice.  One thing I don’t really understand is the serving sizes in this book- the Kelly green salad is 4 servings yet has 1 tbsp of olive oil and 1/4 cup of chickpeas (which, when divided by 4 is approximately 3 chickpeas per serving).  However, the salad recipe on the next page is one serving and has a HALF CUP of balsamic vinegar.  I mean, Jesus Christ, is this going on a garbage can of romaine?

methinks someone should have edited this besides Jill Zarin. image source: ohnotheydidnt.com

So, this is going to shock you.

This salad was SO good.

I KNOW!  WTF sort of sorcery is this?!?!?!

But it was! I was really hungry when I ate it (and it legit took like 2 minutes to assemble, which is always a nice plus) but I must admit… I even made it AGAIN the next day!  And I still have that shit in my fridge so I legit will probably make it again tomorrow!

don’t worry, I turn the book over before guests come so they don’t know i own this shit.

Although I really liked this, I can’t imagine what some of the other recipes would turn out like (especially that trash can salad) just based on Kelly’s seeming inability to focus on anything for more than three consecutive sentences.  I am SO GLAD to be done with I Can Make You Hot!  I mean, Khloe Kardashian’s nonsense book Strong is The New Hot or whatever is better organized than this shit.  Sorry, Kel Kel.  HARD PASS.

hmmm…. she seems sane. image source: giphy.com