Category: Books

Balancing in Heels: Cooking with Kristin

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missed part one, part two, part three or part four? check em out!

kristin cooks

I also gaze solemnly at my peppers while prepping them. image source: lazygirls.info

SO now that we have learned how to not eat like a garbage person, it’s time to cook with Kristin.  I figured her recipes would be reminiscent of the food I ate on Gwyneth Paltrow’s goop cleanse, and I was not wrong.  Kristin herself is very goop-lite and I wouldn’t be surprised if she launched a full-on lifestyle brand website soon.  Instagram-type persons are very good at creating an enviable-looking world, and some (Gwyneth, Reese Witherspoon) are very successful whereas others fall laughably short (Blake Lively, RIP Preserve).  Based on this book alone, unless Kristin hires a crack marketing team, I am not holding my breath.

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Balancing in Heels: Part Four

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missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

kristin bangs

WHAT SORT OF SORCERY IS THIS?! image source: giphy.com

So now that we have worked on our insides, it’s time to focus on what really matters: hair and make-up!  Kristin doesn’t care about make-up that much but she like, really likes her hair.  A psychic told her mom when she was pregnant with Kristin that her daughter would be obsessed with her hair and she was sooooo spot on!  That is like the most southern California sentence ever written.

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Balancing in Heels: Part Three

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missed part one or part two? check em out!

kristin cav dance

what… what is this?  image source: giphy.com

Now that we are wifed up and have stopped eating “chemicals” like heathens, it’s time to exercise, bitches!  Like with eating, Kristin did everything wrong before she had her children- too much easy cardio and not pushing herself in the gym.  After giving birth, Kristin had the same issue all women have: she got too thin!

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Balancing in Heels: Part Two

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missed part one?  check it out!

kristin cav boo

don’t worry jay, there’s always next season. image source: giphy.com

SO even though Kristin and Jay Cutler called off their original engagement (right after Kristin did a photo shoot in wedding gowns for Life & Style or one of the lesser US Weekly-type mags, oopsie), they did get back together!  This book sure is long considering it has NO details really or continuity.  In one paragraph, Kristin and Jay are getting back together and in the next, Kristin talks traveling tips with a child.  These tips are things like “bring snacks and an iPad,” so they seem to be for people who have never met children before.

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Balancing in Heels: Part One

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balancing in heels

what a weird title… image source: eonline.com

If Instagram were a person, I’m pretty sure that person would be Kristin Cavallari.  Think about it: bronde (blonde + brown)  hair with perfect blonde face-framing tendrils, famous athlete husband, cute kids, a commitment to health and wellness with absolutely no credentials whatsoever.  I never really had that big of an opinion about KCav either way, until it came out that she was against vaccinating her children.  When asked why, Kristin basically said she had a read “a study” but couldn’t remember the name of it and also don’t discount Dr. Jenny McCarthy!  So now i think she is a grade A moron, but she is like, really pretty, so let’s see what other bon mots she can offer us!

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Life is Not a Reality Show: Part Two

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missed part one? check it out!

rhobh laughing

“so glad I’m here to keep all you ladies down to earth!” image source: giphy.com

So where were we?  Kyle quickly won over Mauricio’s whole family, natch, and then lists a bunch of times he pissed her off.  To quote a Kardashian, there is LITERALLY no organization to her book.  It is the most unedited mess I have ever read, and that is saying a lot.  Not only does Kyle jump all over the place, she punctuates nearly every sentence with Ha! Ha!  ESPECIALLY when things are not at all funny.  You just know Kyle finds herself to be so goddamn delightful and this book just reflects that.

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Life is Not a Reality Show: Part One

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I could’ve taken a better photo where Kyle’s face wasn’t whited out, but nahhh….

Oh Kyle Richards, you zany Becky with the good hair!  What can we say about Kyle that she hasn’t already said herself.  She was born to be on reality television, as with the rest of her family: Kyle’s niece, Paris Hilton, was the queen of the blonde-haired, no-brained nonsense party girls of the early aughts, and her sister, former RHOBH castmate, Kim Richards is the sad combination of drug-addled and clueless that normally is shown on shows like Hoarders or Intervention.  Kyle is just the plain ol’ narcissistic beautiful person who loves saying she hates drama almost as much as she actually loves drama.

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Skinnygirl Cocktails: A Review

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I wonder how skinny I will look after 15 of these.

Even though I am not the biggest fan of Skinnygirl Margaritas (SO freaking sour, but not bad if you add a bunch of other stuff to it, much like Bethenny herself), but this book actually looked kind of interesting.  It’s summer and I love a fun cocktail, so why the hell not?

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