Category: Books

Wives, Fiancees & Side Chicks of Hotlanta: Part Three

1 Comment

missed part one or part two? check em out!

sheree-whitfield-tax-lien

chateau sheree might not be finished but it AIN’T a budget home! image source: perezhilton.com

SO now that Sasha has slept with Terrence, she is very nervous about everything thinking that she is a ho.  Norman certainly doesn’t help matters and advises Sasha to never expect to hear from him again.  Friendship!  Sasha tries to not think of Terrence but get back to SASHA and SASHA’S very important dreams of her very own fashion empire.  I think I would talk about this less (and laugh less) if She by Sheree had been the success Sheree is implying it was.  Girl, you didn’t even have finished samples at your fashion show! Continue reading →

Wives, Fiancees & Side Chicks of Hotlanta: Part Two

2 Comments

missed part one? check it out!

she-1

she is a BUSINESS LADY. image source: tumblr.com

WHERE WERE WE?

Honey, Sasha is better than everyone around her, but she is not there to judge.  She even becomes friends with Casey, her co-worker at the law firm she works at (where she is SO GOOD at time management, she even sketches fashions and works on her BUSINESS PLAN when she is done working on law stuff) even though Casey is married to a baller.  People in the At- I mean HOTlanta elite are very obsessed with sports stars.  I mean, obviously, as Sheree herself, Lisa Wu Hartwell, Kim Zolciak, DeShawn Snow, Porsha Williams etc. were all married to NBA or NFL players.  God, remember DeShawn?  Poor thing, so miscast. Continue reading →

Wives, Fiances & Side Chicks of Hotlanta: Part One

4 Comments
wf-and

this gonna be good. image source: walmart.com

SO I decided to finally take my first foray into Real Housewife fiction.  If anything screams “I have a totally original story idea, not just a thinly veiled version of my life as a reality star,” it’s a Bravo personality.  I know Bethenny has a book, and Kelly Bensimon suggested I check out hers (no, really, she wrote that on an instagram post I did about her book I Can Make You Hot!) but if I am going to jump into this, I want to go BIG.  And what could be better than a book by Sheree Whitfield with the words “Side Chicks” in the title? Continue reading →

uncharted terriTORI: Part Three

Leave a comment

missed part one or part two? check em out!

tori 1.gif

my shoulder hurts from dancing. take me to the hospital! image source: s111.photobucket.com

SO where were we?  Ah yes, Tori was letting us know why she is basically just the hardest working lady plus best mother of all time and it’s fine that YOU (cough, Dean, cough) can have hobbies and make time for yourself, but Tori just can’t.  So there is a long, super passive aggressive section where she just complains about Dean riding motorcycles and she hates it SO much but won’t tell him to stop because THAT would be annoying.  Anyway, I can’t write about this topic anymore without ripping my own face off, so moving on!

You know who else Tori is better than?  All of the other moms at her kids’ school. Continue reading →

uncharted terriTORI: Part Two

2 Comments

missed part one? check it out!

tori 6.gif

it’s hard out there for an overprivileged girl. image source: primogif.com

So, you know when your estranged mother, your husband’s ex-wife and you all have books coming out within 6 months of each other?  And you aren’t speaking with either of them but you all talk a ton of shit about each other in your respective books?  No?  Well then you don’t know Tori’s PAIN.  Anyway, even though Candy Spelling was being like so unfair about EVERYTHING, Tori wanted her mom to have a relationship with her kids, so she did what every normal person does: she sent them over with the nanny.  Tori wanted her mom to see how much her son Liam was like her father- and you know that’s true because a psychic told her.  Another psychic told her that her daughter Stella would have a special connection with Tori’s deceased pug, Mimi La Rue.  Man, how does one get the job of being Tori Spelling’s psychic?  Apparently all you need is an internet connection and with some light googling, you’ll likely be set for life.  Or you would have back in 2010, as Tori doesn’t pay her bills anymore: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/tori-spelling-must-pay-amex-nearly-39k-in-unpaid-bills-w443227. Continue reading →

uncharted terriTORI: Part One

2 Comments
tori 1.jpg

there’s a lot to unpack in this photo… oh god, help us all. image source: goodreads.com

What to say about Tori Spelling… I honestly can’t believe it has taken me this long to review anything by a woman than has been on more reality shows than a Kardashian and will literally slap her name on any company willing to give her a paycheck (pretty sure homegirl is currently shilling for the Psychic Friends Network).   Obviously, Tori (and her nefarious husband, Dean, who looks like the real life version of that ship captain from Family Guy) has had some… stumbles in the past few years, including one into a Benihana grill in what was quite possibly the weirdest celebrity (eh, I guess) story of 2015: Tori Spelling Hospitalized After Falling Onto Hibachi Grill at Benihana.  Also, there was that whole Dean cheated on Tori with a maybe (probably) fictional Canadian girl named Emily Goodhand (heh heh) and the shitshow reality show True Tori that followed.  Also, they are broke af somehow and also Tori is pregnant again with their fifth child. Continue reading →

I Can Make You Hot! Cooking with Kelly

1 Comment

missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

kelly 1.gif

i’m guessing the recipe is just gummy bears artfully arranged on some spinach. image source: primogif.com

You guys,something pretty funny happened… Kelly Bensimon liked ALL of my instagram posts about her and even commented with some heart emojis… Methinks she didn’t read any of my posts because I basically call her a crazy person who doesn’t know how to read… well, maybe she had her intern “read” it to her and she just heard the good parts!  Like she is thin and good at jogging amongst moving vehicles. Continue reading →

I Can Make You Hot! Part Three

2 Comments

missed part one or part two? check em out!

kkb 3.gif

i don’t know what this means. but i like it. STOP BEING RED! image source: giphy.com

Now we get to the boring-eat (usually) part of every make over your life book- how to dress yourself.  I only say that it is boring in that EVERY book is exactly the same!  Don’t wear trends!  Find what works for  YOUR body!  Buy these classic pieces!  Find a great tailor!  BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHHRGG.  BUT I will say that Kelly shared an great anecdote about Madonna ignoring her when she was still carrying her baby weight after he second baby.  Madonna had just had Rocco and was skinny and fit af and Kelly’s ex-husband NOTED FASHION PHOTOGRAPHER Gilles Bensimon was taking her photo for the cover of ELLE magazine.  Kelly was wearing a big ol fat shirt and looked like shit and Madonna wouldn’t talk to her.  NO IDEA what this has to do with dressing yourself, but it was a good story regardless. Continue reading →

I Can Make You Hot! Part Two

2 Comments

missed part one? check it out!

kkb 21.gif

excuse you, like there’s another gwyneth. image source: etonline.com

Onto the diet portion of the book, where Kelly proclaims that she doesn’t like diets or believe in them or go on them.  I would like to point out here that the subtitle of this book is “The Supermodel Diet,” but let’s not let things like logic or reality get in the way of Kelly’s proclamations.  This is the world we live in now!  Better get used to it. Continue reading →

I Can Make You Hot! Part One

4 Comments
kkb

is the diet gummy bear-based?

YOU GUYS I finally found the RIGHT Kelly Bensimon (I’m sorry, I mean Kelly Killoran Bensimon, or KKB as she sometimes refers to herself) book on how to be hot af!  I once accidentally bought another book by KKB called The Bikini Book that was actually just a book about bikinis and pictures of them and shit. (you can read all about my shame here)  This time I CAN FINALLY learn all of KKB’s secrets!  Like be 6 feet tall and be naturally skinny and beautiful! Continue reading →