Bulletproof: Part One

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god, I feel old just looking at this. image source: newsegg.com

Guys, I have mostly avoided Teen Mom and it’s… stars(?) until this point because I find the whole thing just too… sad.  Obviously making these mostly disenfranchised children reality stars didn’t do much for improving their life, considering having more money seemed to only increase addictions (to fame, plastic surgery, drugs, etc) and didn’t do much to help their offspring either.  But of all the sad, sad girls, Maci seemed to be the most level headed and actually appeared to be a good mother.  Besides Caitlynn (and Tyler!  they are the best), Maci seemed to actually be somewhat mature, especially when dealing with the sack of shit father of her son, Bentley.

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lol u r horrible! image source: tumblr.com

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Real Hockwives 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

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Still struggling to finish your last minute holiday shopping?  Let me help you buy for all of the ladies (and gents) in your life, featuring items I reviewed this past year!  Happy holidays!  I’ll be back with fresh nonsense in the new year!

For your aunt who loves to cook but might also be illiterate

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I would highly recommend Skinny Italian or Fabulicious!, if she is really not into the English language.  There are enough photos of the food (plus bonus photos of Juicy Joe Giudice!) that she might be able to figure it out. Continue reading →

Body by Bethenny: A Review

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is it just me or is this the worst workout dvd cover ever? image source: amazon.com

Bethenny Frankel is a lot of things: intense, booze maven, amateur sleuth (don’t let it be about Tom!), batshit crazy, and, of course, skinny.  A collection of workout DVDs is very on brand for her and you know Bethenny doesn’t do anything that doesn’t make her the moneys.  She says that she maintains her figure from doing yoga, so I thought I would give one of her workouts a try.  Body by Bethenny is a 40 minute yoga series, a short weight routine and a “booty bonus” (I can’t imagine what the marketing meetings for workout DVDs are like.  How many synonyms can you possibly come up with for butt, tone and lean?) Continue reading →

Fabulicious! Fast & Fit: Italian Flank Steak

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missed Fabulicious Part One? check it out!

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um… define opposite. image source: giphy.com

After I made Zuppa di Verdure, I wanted to make a heartier dish for my next foray into the gilded land of Giudice deliciousness.  Luckily, there really are a lot of options in Fabulicious (god, if I never have to type that word out again, I would be a very happy girl) that aren’t just pasta.  Honestly, I barely looked at any of the descriptions and went mostly by the photos.  Like any good real housewife, I simply did not (could not) read and based my judgements on purely superficial photos.  I’m learning!

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Koko Kollection by Kylie Cosmetics: A Review

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looks so kfancy!

Even though I am technically a millennial, I don’t really “get” Kylie Jenner.  Now Khloe, her horrible book notwithstanding (although I am excited for her Revenge Body show on E!), Khloe I can get behind.  She is funny as balls and has a ton of personality on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  Kylie, on the other hand, appears to be about as animated and interesting as one of those “real girl” sex dolls come to life.  Posing with duckface (that you can’t undo, as you have surgeried yourself into literally a duck) in front of a phone for 10 hours a day while you try on different wigs and shit sounds like the seventh circle of hell.  I don’t understand idolizing a rich girl who wears Adidas track pants with more make-up than the entire cast of RuPaul’s drag race, but I never “got” Paris Hilton either, so there you go.  I am a curmudgeon. Continue reading →

Kristen Doute’s Vegiholic

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that’s my girl. image source: gogogossip.com

YOU GUYS do you know that Vanderpump Rules is secretly my favorite show on Bravo?  Well, it used to be anyway.  I CANNOT get into this season.  I hate Katie Maloney and her boring ass, matte-lipped Eeyore ass (ASS) trying to be the new Stassi shtick to be exhausting and so boring.  I might end up team Lala soon if this shit doesn’t change.  I do love me some Tom Schwartz and Stassi is amazing but… Stassi seems a little watered down this season and I don’t know what is up with Schena’s weirdo Twilight contacts and ever shrinking nose.  James Kennedy is THE WORST PERSON who has ever been on reality television (maybe even worse than Jacqueline Laurita’s daughter Ashleigheeeyyyyeeeee) but he is not wrong about her changing face.  Homegirl is turning into a straight up avatar and it is frightening.  Can’t she release some horrible new song so we all have something to laugh at? Continue reading →

Heather’s Closet: Episode One

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“aren’t I soooo relatable?” image source: pinterest.com

Oh Heather Dubrow, what to do with you?  At first, you seemed like a normal who wandered into a blonde party of such craziness, that you truly seemed like the first real housewife who felt like she was aware of the fuckery going on around her.  BUT THEN I listened to your podcast and realized you need Shannon’s kookiness and Tamra’s trashy hot lady vibes to foil your uptight, brunette shtick.  By yourself, you are insufferable, and even in the midst of the melted Barbies screaming at each other that is the Real Housewives of Orange County’s deal, you have kind of lost the plot.  If you make me feel sorry for the pile of stained club shirts from Wet Seal that is Kelly Dodd, you are a BAD PERSON. Continue reading →