PUMP: A Review

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well, hello boys! image source: pinterest.com

Big news!  I finally stepped foot into Lisa Vanderpump’s mecca in the middle of West Hollywood: PUMP.  I have actually been to SUR before, way back in 2009 before it was the background of my (former) favorite Bravo show, Vanderpump Rules.  This season is garbage, and not even in the good way.

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wait, I just remembered how awful Vale was. image source: hercampus.com

Anyway, I remember SUR (every time I type that, I remember that it stands for SEXY UNIQUE RESTAURANT and I laugh.  It makes Lisa & Ken sound like English is not their first language) as being very pretty, dark and small.  There were two kids in our group and one of them frowned when we walked in and declared “this place doesn’t look very child friendly.”  Truer words have never been spoken.

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I’m just impressed that Jax has managed to turn being a good looking loser into such a business. image source: thehollywoodgossip.com

I was out in LA this week and on Saturday night (after a Bieber sighting at Catch LA!  My husband saw him first and I have never been so proud), we decided to head to PUMP for a nightcap.  I was with my West Coast BFF (she of the fabulous CUT Fitness review- it’s so nice to have friends willing to do things like take a class taught by Mr. Tamra Judge) and our husbands reluctantly agreed to head to the Bravo hot spot (lol).  On the way, we passed SUR (they are super close together).

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there were like 30 people taking pictures of this when we passed.  Lisa knows what the f she is doing.

We got to PUMP around 9 on a Saturday night and it was freaking PACKED.  The Bravo gods were shining on us that night because we managed to snag seats at the beautiful bar in the center of the gigantic opulent courtyard.  Some lady with a sleeping dog was leaving right after we got there and suddenly we were commandeering one whole side of the bar.

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Lisa and Ken went BIG on everything; there are legit 45 chandeliers outside.

Now no one from the show was working (do any of them actually work at Pump?  My brother also lives in LA and has been to SUR several times and says that he has been waited on by several VPR cast members), but it was insanely crowded nevertheless.  For my first drink, my WCBFF and I went for The Pink Fizz, which is LVP Sangria (which I reviewed here), raspberries, St. Germaine and champagne.  It tasted… exactly like it sounds.

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this tasted pink af.

Now, the Fizz was insanely sweet and is exactly the shitty drink that PUMP’s target audience (23 year olds and tourists) laps up with abandon.  NOW pay close attention to the drink on the right- that was some sort of jalapeño margarita that tasted like LIQUID FIRE.  I am not kidding when I say there was legit a half jalapeño blended up in there.  I cried tears after one sip like Tom Sandoval when his flat iron breaks.

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don’t even JOKE ABOUT IT! image source: giphy.com

After I regained consciousness from my mouth burns, I decided it was time to have the true OG drink at PUMP: the Pump-Tini.

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so goddamn pink.

I’m not going to lie.  It was GROSS.  Like tasted like liquid Nerds gross.  I will say, college me would’ve thought this shit was DELICIOUS and had 400 of them and then want to die from the world’s worst hangover from drinking a metric ton of sugar.  However, the bartender we had was super nice and even though there were one million people (all walks of life too, let me tell ya).  The setting is truly amazing (there are giant trees and lanterns and mirrors and just so much STUFF everywhere) and we definitely had a good time.  Would I go there again?  No, but mostly just because the drinks were terrible and expensive and there are far better places within a stone’s throw.  Also, a Ken sighting would’ve been the perfect dessert after seeing The Biebs bro-ing it up.

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now if shit like this went down at PUMP, I would be there all the time. image source: giphy.com

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