missed part one or part two? check em out!
what… what is this? image source: giphy.com
Now that we are wifed up and have stopped eating “chemicals” like heathens, it’s time to exercise, bitches! Like with eating, Kristin did everything wrong before she had her children- too much easy cardio and not pushing herself in the gym. After giving birth, Kristin had the same issue all women have: she got too thin!
missed part one? check it out!
don’t worry jay, there’s always next season. image source: giphy.com
SO even though Kristin and Jay Cutler called off their original engagement (right after Kristin did a photo shoot in wedding gowns for Life & Style or one of the lesser US Weekly-type mags, oopsie), they did get back together! This book sure is long considering it has NO details really or continuity. In one paragraph, Kristin and Jay are getting back together and in the next, Kristin talks traveling tips with a child. These tips are things like “bring snacks and an iPad,” so they seem to be for people who have never met children before.
what a weird title… image source: eonline.com
If Instagram were a person, I’m pretty sure that person would be Kristin Cavallari. Think about it: bronde (blonde + brown) hair with perfect blonde face-framing tendrils, famous athlete husband, cute kids, a commitment to health and wellness with absolutely no credentials whatsoever. I never really had that big of an opinion about KCav either way, until it came out that she was against vaccinating her children. When asked why, Kristin basically said she had a read “a study” but couldn’t remember the name of it and also don’t discount Dr. Jenny McCarthy! So now i think she is a grade A moron, but she is like, really pretty, so let’s see what other bon mots she can offer us!
missed part one? check it out!
Can I just say that even though Snooki, I mean Nicole, has definitely done a great job of reinventing herself and getting into great shape and everything, it is still infinitely odd to be reading a book by freaking Snooki about health and fitness?
you know what I mean, boo boo? image source: fuckyeahsnl.com
I miss Snooki’s old face & aesthetic.
Oh Snooki… where can I even begin? When this lil drunken Italian dumpling first staggered her way onto MTV’s Jersey Shore in 2009, America was immediately in love. Nicole Polizzi rolled in in a emblazoned trucker hat, a deep deep tan, giant hoop earrings and announced “the party’s heeeeeeere!” Instant pop culture phenomenon.
missed parts one and two? check em out!
wait… are we really still on this book? image source: buzzfeed.com
SO now The Hills has ended, and what’s a former reality star with no real talent besides slowly pushing a salad that cost $30 on a plate while nodding glumly to do? Well, get on another reality show, post-haste! Steph worked on one idea that was her and some other no brain going around the country trying to find guys to ride in a caravan behind them or something? I really didn’t get it, but Oxygen pulled out last minute for some reason, which is like, totes BS because it really sounded so KEWL and full of FUNNIES!
Missed part one? Read it here
with bon mots like these, how could she not be on tv. image source: buzzfeed.com
SO Steph is now back in California, and dealing with the fallout from her shoplifting arrest. She goes into a few rehabs and hospitals before finally getting clean for good.
this is so photoshopped it hurts. image source: goodreads.com
Guys, are you ready to feel old af? The Hills came out TEN YEARS AGO.
TEN. Holy shit. I still think it’s 2009 most days, so this is very shocking to me. In honor of a decade of blonde women looking wistfully at the ocean from brunch restaurants, I decided to take a Bravo break and head for The Hills…
Real Hockwives 