Missed part one?  Read it here

 

SO Steph is now back in California, and dealing with the fallout from her shoplifting arrest.  She goes into a few rehabs and hospitals before finally getting clean for good.

BUT now what should she do with all this clean living?  Why join her brother Spencer and his fembot Heidi on their MTV reality show, of course!  I mean, seriously MTV, between Jason Wahler and his struggles with drugs and booze and Stephie here, I kind of question that it was a good idea to have former and current addicts in the limelight like that.  I know, I know, reality television producers doing something as crazy as being unethical and not worrying about the mental health of the young stars?

Steph lets her nut job of a brother and his mannequin wife, the much-reviled duo known as “Speidi,” largely off the hook.  It’s clear that they have mended fences and while I understand that they are actually family and not just frenemies dreamed up by some white guy in his 40s in an MTV lab somewhere, it’s total bullshit.  Spencer was INSANE on The Hills.

Steph also defends her popsicle stick with a bad blonde wig sister-in-law Heidi, whom she claims is “the sweetest person you will ever meet.”  I think poor Steph has confused the word “sweet” with “slow,” but that’s neither here nor there.  I guess the part that had me rolling my eyes the most is that she acts like the two of them were hated by everyone for reasons beyond their control.  And she felt SO BAD for Heidi after she had her fifteen elective plastic surgeries in one day.  Yes, that poor thing.  She must’ve had cancer of the implants, nose, love handles, shins, ears, eyes and beyond.

So whatever, Heidi & Spencer’s “wacky” antics aren’t for everyone, according to Steph but they are “really good people” and like, SEH in love.  Which, I guess they are still married and who would’ve thought?

ANYWHO, things weren’t always so great between Steph and Speidi.  When Steph joined The Hills cast, Lauren Conrad already hated Heidi and Spencer.  At first, Steph defended them to Lauren, saying “if you hate my family, I hate YOU!” which,

But then Steph and Lauren SHOCKINGLY have classes together at FIDM and ***SPOILER ALERT*** become friends.  I know!  It’s totes crazy.  But they did!  Which caused like mayjah dramz between Steph and her brother/Heidi.  But even with all that lunacy, Steph really liked being on The Hills.  She was making her own money, staying off the meth and pills and creating a life for herself.  In front of cameras and millions of judgy views (like moi) but still, she was happy for awhile.

BUT staring at the blank page before her, Lauren Conrad decided she didn’t want to fill it with anymore HILLS.  So she bounced, leaving the rest of the cast behind and was replaced by former Laguna Beach villaness Kristin Cavallari.  At the same time, Steph was dealing with major anxiety from being in the public eye and developed an eating disorder, which she sought treatment for.  Spencer and Heidi began acting more and more strangely and pulled away from Steph and the other Hills alums.  Slowly, they began to realize that the show was coming to an end, and what on earth was Steph going to do?

Up next, Steph meets another horrible reality-TV villain named Spencer, heads to the UK and starts a whole new thing I’ve never heard of before called Made in Chelsea…