Kardashian Dynasty: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

SO where were we?  Ah yes, Kris has finally separated from Robert and the beginning of their nasty split has taken a toll on the family.  Kris swears off men for approximately 0.02 seconds before her friend introduces her to Olympian Bruce Jenner.  And the rest is history!


can you imagine if these were your parents? image source: giphy.com

Kris and Bruce hit it off right away and bonded over each having four kids and being bad at marriage.  Bruce had been married twice before, to his college sweetheart and then to Linda Thompson, with whom he had Brandon and Brody, of Sons of Malibu and The Hills fame.  Because these people can’t help but overlap absolutely everywhere, Linda Thompson dated and lived with Elvis Presley for a number of years after he broke up with Priscilla (who then dated Robert Kardashian).  Linda was then married to David Foster for a number of years, before they divorced and he married Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Yolanda Hadid, whose daughter Gigi would become supermodel besties with Kendall Jenner…


just don’t think about it to much. it feels too apocalyptic. image source: funnyordie.com

So Bruce and Kris are in lurrrve but one problem!  She is still married to Robert.  Plus her kids all HATE Bruce, especially Kourtney, who wears all black every time he comes over.  That is actually very funny.  After his Olympic gold medal in the decathlon in the 1976 games, Bruce got a divorce while his first wife was still pregnant with their second child.  He then made a number of bad financial and career decisions, including starring in the Village People biopic Can’t Stop the Music.  No, really.


I didn’t know this existed and now I MUST immediately watch it. image source: beverlygrey.blogspot.com

Bruce is broke as a joke from all of these oopsies, but is madly in love with Kris.  He even manages to broker peace between the Kris and Robert, which makes even Kourtney come around to him.  Robert, however, has even bigger problems to worry about.

On June 12, 1994, Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman were brutally murdered at Nicole’s Brentwood, California condo.  Because of their volatile history, OJ Simpson was the immediate suspected murderer.  This, of course, devastated both Kris and Robert.  In the immediate aftermath, through OJ’s declaration that he would commit suicide to the infamous Bronco chase, Robert was constantly at his side, even reinstating his legal license to sit on the defense team.  During this horrific time, Kris thought that OJ was very guilty and obviously, Robert fought for his innocence.  Regardless, the two tried to stay in a good place.


I will never get over Ross Geller as Robert Kardashian.  The hair stripe! image source: wetpaint.com

The author talks extensively about whether or not Kris knew that Nicole was being abused by OJ.  He says that there is absolutely no way she wasn’t aware and he kind of insinuates that it is Kris’s fault that OJ killed Nicole since she didn’t intervene.


jeez, ian. I know you hate Kris, but I am pretty sure it’s OJ’s fault Nicole is dead. image source: godofall.wordpress.com


After all of this went on, Kim started working to create her own entrée into the celebrity world.  Although she and her sisters attended a fancy high school, they were not as privileged as their classmates and didn’t have all of the designer clothes they coveted. So Kimmy, the lil entrepreneur that we all know and love (ha) started selling bags and shoes on eBay.  She also started working with her friends and her parents’ friends to organize their closets.


gimme! image source: giphy.com

After battling esophageal cancer, Robert Kardashian passed away in 2003.  All of the kids took it hard, especially Khloe, who spiraled out of control, partying away her pain.  Kim was married at the time (I totally forgot she was married before the human sequoia that is Kris Humphries) to music producer Damon Thomas.  The two eloped when Kim was only nineteen and they didn’t tell her family for awhile until Kourtney discovered it by googling Kim’s name (which, lol).  Of course, they had a nasty split too in which Thomas claimed he paid for Kim’s lipo and boob job (!!) and she cheated on him.  She claimed that Thomas was physically abusive to her.  Homeboy must have been paid a LOT back then and signed an NDA, because I can’t imagine how much money he could make now if he gave a real interview.



Kim’s dreams of fame and fortune were right around the corner, after she was approached by a certain heiress to work on her closet…


well, Paris won that battle, but Kim won the war. image source: bustle.com


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