missed part one, part two, part three or part four?

So, Rob Kardashian has dipped out on the family and for once, this doesn’t seem to be manufactured drama for Keeping up with the Kardashians.  He basically deleted his social media accounts, which were a big part of his income (due to shilling all of the stuff that all reality people seem to: detox teas, teeth whiteners, protein powders, etc).  Shockingly, Rob even stopped appearing on the show.  The family still mentioned him regularly, but usually just to comment on how sad his situation was.  His anger at Kim seemed to be the only thing Rob put out in public periodically.

watch out, neil patrick harris.  kim kardashian is coming for youuuuu. image source: people funny.com

So poor, sad fat Rob has become essentially an angry shut-in, but the show must go on.  Because a lot of other shit was going on behind the scenes.  Like, oh, you know, Bruce Jenner’s decision to undergo gender reassignment surgery and become a woman?

this family! image source: imoviequotes.com

Rumors had swirled for awhile that Bruce was having something done, as his appearance drastically changed in 2014.  After more than twenty years of marriage, Kris and Bruce had filed for divorce.  This surprised basically no one as the couple had never seemed overly in love on KUWTK.  Early episodes often showed the two fighting over Kris’s voracious need to go out and be seen and Bruce’s preference to stay home.

and I feel that I HAVE to go to Benihana tonight! tmz might be there! image source: giphy.com

Kris initially denied reports of Bruce’s decision to transition, calling them ridiculous and completely untrue.  One thing that seemed to contradict the idea of Bruce becoming a woman was the fact that both Kris and Bruce were very conservative Republicans who still called themselves Evangelical Christians.  Kris essentially founded her own church with that fucking Pastor Brad (seriously, barf) and Bruce still considered himself to be a religious man.  All of this seems to be completely at odds with the Kardashian brand, which one would think would be incredibly LGBTQ-friendly.  I mean, look at the players here:  fucking Pat Boone, fucking Rick Warren?!  These are the men that Kris and Bruce looked to for spiritual guidance.

honestly, hearing this makes me actively hate both of them. image source: giphy.com

So many of Caitlyn’s personal views seem to be at odds with her identifying as transgender.  I mean, how can you proudly announce that you are a part of one of the most marginalized, socially ignored groups on the planet but also want to be Ted fucking Cruz’s ambassador?  I mean, Caitlyn fucking endorsed Donald Trump?!  I’ll get off my soapbox now and I am not saying anything groundbreaking here, but for someone who has the ability to bring transgendered people, one of the most marginalized groups, into the forefront and get people to understand what Bruce transitioning to Caitlyn means is a BIG DEAL.  And she has failed to do her people right.

I’ll just leave it at that. image source: giphy.com

Most people who knew Kris and Bruce as a couple say that Kris was very unhappy with Bruce’s decision to transition.  Caitlyn has publicly said numerous times that Kim was by far the most supportive of her during that time.  Caitlyn’s interview with Vanity Fair magazine painted Kris in a very unflattering light, implying that Kris had been controlling and cruel to Bruce throughout their marriage.

I just KAN’T believe it! image source: giphy.com

This interview caused some tension between Caitlyn (I just accidentally spelled that Kaitlyn which she would NEVER and clearly this book has taken over my mind) and the Kardashian daughters, especially Khloe.  It seemed to some that the affable, nice guy Bruce Jenner was totally gone and Caitlyn (just did it again! halp meeee) was a totally new person on the inside as well as the out.  Again, Kris Jenner didn’t seem to be taking any of this in stride as rumors began circulating that she was drinking to deal with the stress of the situation.

just a quick bottle of rose before promoting Kylie’s bedazzled overall diapers for tweens or whatever.  fml.  image source: giphy.com

However, I feel like the author goes pretty hard for Kris during this time, which I can’t imagine was a walk in the park.  He interviewed a bunch of her friends from the 80s when she was married to Robert Kardashian and said that Kris partied like a rockstar and was basically a booze-crazy attention whore (which, duh).  BUT I don’t think that means that she is still a mess today?  I mean, do we always judge people by their behavior in their 20s and 30s?  I just can’t believe that Kris could maintain her INSANE schedule and do all the behind-the-scenes puppet mastery if she were drunk erry night.

then again, I could be wrong. image source: giphy.com

Finally, Halperin theorizes that the Kardashians are on their way out, something he criticized others for earlier in the book (constantly predicting the demise of something just because they don’t care for it).  He also thinks that Kim is moving her brand to be more aligned with Kanye than her family and that Kendall and Kylie are more successful that Khloe and Kourtney.  As much as they are constantly maligned in the press, I really don’t think the Kardashians are going anywhere.  As long as super spin master Kris Jenner is at the helm, the family seems to be fantastic at reinventing themselves and there seems to be a synergistic effect of the individual brands and the family powerhouse as a whole.  Now I am going to take a shower for ten hours and forget alllllll about this.

sorry kimmy, but dear god #kardashianoverload image source: giphy.com