Find Part One here and Kooking with Khloe here

So, now our BODIES are on fleek (?) but it’s time to work on our MINDS, y’all.  Because, as Khlo $$ Money (she inserts that nickname in there herself, randomly) wisely says, you can’t have a STRONG body without a NAKED I mean STRONG mind.

Khloe explains that the way to a strong mind is STRUCTURE.  This must be very important because Khloe tells us this over and over and over again, using slightly different sentence STRUCTURE.  After her father, Robert Kardashian, passed away in 2003, Khloe didn’t handle it well.  Instead of having STRUCTURE, she went out partying all the time, which, no snark here, is completely understandable.  But then Kourtney saved her from a Lindsay-Lohan-life by making her the manager at DASH and moving Khloe into Kourtney’s kondo in Kalabasas.  Huzzah!

I cannot stress enough how big the inspirational quotes are that Khloe sprinkles liberally throughout her book (when reading it on an iPhone anyway).

 

 

Khloe also mentions a few times that she is more introverted than other people in her family.  Um… what?

You know what else helps STRUCTURE your mind?  Being punctual.  Khloe throws major shade at “some of her friends” who are constantly late to everything, even though Khloe never is and how dare they.  It’s a very weird section and has nothing to do with anything else in this book.  Later she goes on to prove what a good person she is by telling us that when she invites these lateass friends over to her house to help her clean out her garage, she always has good music, wine and snacks.

WHAT ADULT WOMAN WITH MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF DOLLARS EXPECTS HER FRIENDS TO HELP HER CLEAN OUT HER GARAGE?  My friends are the best and I would do anything for them, but I think once you are out of college, doing your chores is kind of your OWN job.  You know Khloe isn’t going to her pal Sally’s house to help her wash her goddamn windows.

Now I know you don’t want to help Khloe throw away old promo materials for Khloe and Bruce take Mason City or whatever, but Khloe has another suggestion for you:

Seriously though, STOP IT.  Whining gets you nowhere!  And Khloe knows this, because she knows her brother Rob and lots of other losers who whine and fail all over the place and is because THEIR strong does NOT look better NAKED.  Khloe talks more shit about Rob and some of her other loser friends.  Some of this sounds like stuff she should’ve perhaps just bitched to Kourtney about rather than write it down and publish  it, but I guess you can only have so many quotes in 250 pt font before your editors catch on that you have nothing to say for your “book.”

Next up, more earth-shattering advice, like “don’t wallow” and “watch Dateline if you are sad.”  Or listen to music!  Jesus Christ.  Khloe talks a lot about how she dwells on her past mistakes, but if this book is any indication, she actually seems to think she is pretty great but all of her shitty friends and fat effing Rob sure screw up a LOT.

Now we get to hear about someone called “Pastor Brad,” which sounds like he is the Ned Flanders of Calabasas and the Kardashians’ personal spiritual advisor.  He helped Khloe when her marriage ended.  These pages were so boring I kind of just….

So now our MINDS are strong, as long as we don’t listen to that scamp Pastor Brad or let Fat Rob scam us into letting him drive our Range Rover.  Next up… HEART.  I HEART the fact that I am almost done with this book.