The Secrets of My Life: Part One


cait 1

WHO BOY! image source:

OH Caitlyn with a C, never a K, Jenner, what to do with you?  When it finally came out that you were indeed transitioning to a female, I was in awe of you.  I mean, I do actually think it was super brave to do it in such a public fashion with all of the world watching.  I guess 2015 was a different time, as we didn’t quite realize how racist/sexist/homophobic the country still is until we got Trump (President Donald Trump!  Think about that again for a second.  It will never NOT be shocking) in the White House, but even so, I think it was so important for the trans community to have such a popular and public figure leading the charge.  There are so many misconceptions about marginalized groups and here was a KARDASHIAN-ADJACENT person AND a former Olympic gold-medalist who was a poster boy for American masculinity coming out and saying hey, I am actually a woman.  This was a BIG DEAL.

Continue reading

Wives, Fiancees & Side Chicks of Hotlanta: Part Three

missed part one or part two? check em out!


chateau sheree might not be finished but it AIN’T a budget home! image source:

SO now that Sasha has slept with Terrence, she is very nervous about everything thinking that she is a ho.  Norman certainly doesn’t help matters and advises Sasha to never expect to hear from him again.  Friendship!  Sasha tries to not think of Terrence but get back to SASHA and SASHA’S very important dreams of her very own fashion empire.  I think I would talk about this less (and laugh less) if She by Sheree had been the success Sheree is implying it was.  Girl, you didn’t even have finished samples at your fashion show! Continue reading

Wives, Fiancees & Side Chicks of Hotlanta: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!


she is a BUSINESS LADY. image source:


Honey, Sasha is better than everyone around her, but she is not there to judge.  She even becomes friends with Casey, her co-worker at the law firm she works at (where she is SO GOOD at time management, she even sketches fashions and works on her BUSINESS PLAN when she is done working on law stuff) even though Casey is married to a baller.  People in the At- I mean HOTlanta elite are very obsessed with sports stars.  I mean, obviously, as Sheree herself, Lisa Wu Hartwell, Kim Zolciak, DeShawn Snow, Porsha Williams etc. were all married to NBA or NFL players.  God, remember DeShawn?  Poor thing, so miscast. Continue reading

Wives, Fiances & Side Chicks of Hotlanta: Part One


this gonna be good. image source:

SO I decided to finally take my first foray into Real Housewife fiction.  If anything screams “I have a totally original story idea, not just a thinly veiled version of my life as a reality star,” it’s a Bravo personality.  I know Bethenny has a book, and Kelly Bensimon suggested I check out hers (no, really, she wrote that on an instagram post I did about her book I Can Make You Hot!) but if I am going to jump into this, I want to go BIG.  And what could be better than a book by Sheree Whitfield with the words “Side Chicks” in the title? Continue reading

uncharted terriTORI: Part Three

missed part one or part two? check em out!

tori 1.gif

my shoulder hurts from dancing. take me to the hospital! image source:

SO where were we?  Ah yes, Tori was letting us know why she is basically just the hardest working lady plus best mother of all time and it’s fine that YOU (cough, Dean, cough) can have hobbies and make time for yourself, but Tori just can’t.  So there is a long, super passive aggressive section where she just complains about Dean riding motorcycles and she hates it SO much but won’t tell him to stop because THAT would be annoying.  Anyway, I can’t write about this topic anymore without ripping my own face off, so moving on!

You know who else Tori is better than?  All of the other moms at her kids’ school. Continue reading

uncharted terriTORI: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

tori 6.gif

it’s hard out there for an overprivileged girl. image source:

So, you know when your estranged mother, your husband’s ex-wife and you all have books coming out within 6 months of each other?  And you aren’t speaking with either of them but you all talk a ton of shit about each other in your respective books?  No?  Well then you don’t know Tori’s PAIN.  Anyway, even though Candy Spelling was being like so unfair about EVERYTHING, Tori wanted her mom to have a relationship with her kids, so she did what every normal person does: she sent them over with the nanny.  Tori wanted her mom to see how much her son Liam was like her father- and you know that’s true because a psychic told her.  Another psychic told her that her daughter Stella would have a special connection with Tori’s deceased pug, Mimi La Rue.  Man, how does one get the job of being Tori Spelling’s psychic?  Apparently all you need is an internet connection and with some light googling, you’ll likely be set for life.  Or you would have back in 2010, as Tori doesn’t pay her bills anymore: Continue reading

uncharted terriTORI: Part One

tori 1.jpg

there’s a lot to unpack in this photo… oh god, help us all. image source:

What to say about Tori Spelling… I honestly can’t believe it has taken me this long to review anything by a woman than has been on more reality shows than a Kardashian and will literally slap her name on any company willing to give her a paycheck (pretty sure homegirl is currently shilling for the Psychic Friends Network).   Obviously, Tori (and her nefarious husband, Dean, who looks like the real life version of that ship captain from Family Guy) has had some… stumbles in the past few years, including one into a Benihana grill in what was quite possibly the weirdest celebrity (eh, I guess) story of 2015: Tori Spelling Hospitalized After Falling Onto Hibachi Grill at Benihana.  Also, there was that whole Dean cheated on Tori with a maybe (probably) fictional Canadian girl named Emily Goodhand (heh heh) and the shitshow reality show True Tori that followed.  Also, they are broke af somehow and also Tori is pregnant again with their fifth child. Continue reading

Bulletproof: Part One



god, I feel old just looking at this. image source:

Guys, I have mostly avoided Teen Mom and it’s… stars(?) until this point because I find the whole thing just too… sad.  Obviously making these mostly disenfranchised children reality stars didn’t do much for improving their life, considering having more money seemed to only increase addictions (to fame, plastic surgery, drugs, etc) and didn’t do much to help their offspring either.  But of all the sad, sad girls, Maci seemed to be the most level headed and actually appeared to be a good mother.  Besides Caitlynn (and Tyler!  they are the best), Maci seemed to actually be somewhat mature, especially when dealing with the sack of shit father of her son, Bentley.

maci 1.gif

lol u r horrible! image source:

Continue reading

Dr. & Mrs. Guinea Pig: Part One


I’m guessing it’s mostly botox? image source:

Heather Dubrow, I just don’t know about you.  I used to actually like that you seemed to have your shit together both professionally AND emotionally, which is a unicorn in Real Housewives-land.  But then I listened to your podcast where you mostly complained about the stress of spending $500K on cabinets and you lost me.  However, Heather is married to the atypical Real Housewife husband as Terry is a. gainfully employed in a way that is not reliant on Bravo and b. seems to be an incredibly successful plastic surgeon (see: $500K on cabinets).  Also, his brother was in Quiet Riot, did you know that?!  Anyway, they seem to really love each other and will probably weather the reality tv divorce curse. Continue reading

Down the Rabbit Hole: Part Four

missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

So after the whole debacle of not getting paid for the first season of The Girls Next Door, Holly, Bridget and Kendra became savvier to the whole reality game and quickly started enjoying themselves.  The enormous popularity of the show helped boost Hef’s ego, and he even stopped requiring the girls to sleep with him any longer, much to Holly’s relief.


don’t let the door hit you in your old balls! image source:

Continue reading