missed part one? check it out!
oh god, kill me now. image source: giphy.com
So, have you GOT IT yet? Not me, still just over here, wondering how the eff this book got published. The layout legitimately looks like an old issue of Sassy magazine from 1993 and I am truly wondering if I currently posses the only copy of this book ever published. Continue reading
please ignore my chipped nail polish. I haven’t learned how to “get it” yet.
You guys, I am confused.
First of all, Jacqueline Laurita wrote a book? And maybe I missed something, but I feel like she never mentioned it ONCE her whole crazy pants last season of RHONJ? These hos are usually shilling every chance they GET (see: Bethenny Frankel) and she mentioned the stupid popcorn company (just what everyone wants- smaller popcorn kernels!) one million times but never this?
missed part one? check it out!
goddammit, rhiiiine. image source: tumblr.com
Breaking up is hard, y’all.
So, turns out that getting engaged on your 17th birthday right before you give birth is not the happy ending that so many dumb tweens watching 16 & Pregnant think it is. Maci gave it the old college try, but turns out that spending your life with a monosyllabic man-child who has no interest in being a “teen dad” is not really good for anyone. Even lil Bentley. Maci, relationship troubs aside, loved being a mom and felt like she had really good instincts right from the jump and didn’t need Rhiiiine’s bullshit anyway. Continue reading
god, I feel old just looking at this. image source: newsegg.com
Guys, I have mostly avoided Teen Mom and it’s… stars(?) until this point because I find the whole thing just too… sad. Obviously making these mostly disenfranchised children reality stars didn’t do much for improving their life, considering having more money seemed to only increase addictions (to fame, plastic surgery, drugs, etc) and didn’t do much to help their offspring either. But of all the sad, sad girls, Maci seemed to be the most level headed and actually appeared to be a good mother. Besides Caitlynn (and Tyler! they are the best), Maci seemed to actually be somewhat mature, especially when dealing with the sack of shit father of her son, Bentley.
lol u r horrible! image source: tumblr.com
missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!
so happy to have mine back now that this if finally over. image source: giphy.com
SO Danielle finally had her prince charming, Tom- or SO SHE THOUGHT. He had an affair after her oldest daughter, Christine was born but they got through it and after some fertility issues, Jillian was born two years later. Danielle was very rich and says that she and Tom never took out a loan for anything, including their two million dollar home. As she never actually says what Tom did for a living, I am getting shade of Giudice alllll over this. However, like everything else in this “book,” their marriage was no good. With no real explanation, Danielle got a divorce and then was completely destitute (which makes zero sense- she never mentions a pre-nup and you KNOW she would’ve it there was one). So why no alimony or child support from a man who had two million in cash to get a house? Continue reading
missed part one or part two? check em out!
j’accuse! image source: tumblr.com
AND WE ARE BACK with the dramatic continuation of a soap opera come to life, Danielle Staub. Seriously, according to Danielle, anything bad or traumatic that has ever happened to anyone EVER has happened to her times ten. I am LEAVING OUT so many crazy details and STILL her story sounds so made up. Onward!
So Danielle moves with her new guy Kevin up to New Jersey to start a “new” life. Of course, this still included stripping for Danielle, because Kevin liked the money, even though he was an FBI agent. How a woman who had recently been incarcerated in Florida and pled guilty to Kidnapping and Extortion was able to just move away while on probation is beyond me, but I digress. However, after they moved, things did not go well for Dani & Kev. He became increasingly paranoid and jealous of her dancing, even though he made her do it. Continue reading
missed part one? check it out!
duly noted. image source: jezebel.com
SO where were we?? Ah yes, Danielle ran away to Florida and hob-nobbed with the likes of Don Johnson and other celebrities she was too scared to name because libel. She also broke up with her boyfriend Billy after her modeling career took off and he couldn’t keep up with Danielle. She had a fling with a very famous Olympian that I pray was Bruce Jenner, although you know Danielle’s thirst wouldn’t have let her be quiet about that one. Danielle claims that Prince is the “best kisser EVA” which, can you even imagine that? I mean seriously, put that image in your mind. Continue reading
don’t fret, I didn’t pay $3 for this… book. I bought it from the person that did!
Where were you when you first heard the earth-shattering news?
If you don’t know what I am talking about, you better sit down for this one.
Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub are friends again.
get in line, bro. image source: buzzandgossip.com
After the success of my Wild Mushroom Soup, I decided to give Lisa Vanderpump’s Simply Divine another shot. After perusing the very British options (bangers and mash! spotted dick!), I decided to make VanderPerfect (lol) roasted potatoes because they sounded amazing. The recipe uses a two part process of first boiling and then roasting that sounded intriguing so I was all in. Continue reading
Oh Lisa Vanderpump. You might be one of the few housewives that I could actually see taking entertaining advice from! Lisa is like a less drugged up, less drunk but equally saucy Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. I want to be just like her and so do you. Even though the last season of RHOBH was so boring I could barely watch it (who would’ve thought that LESS Kim Richards would be a bad thing? Thank God for Erika Jayne), I still love Lisa and cannot WAIT for my secret true favorite Bravo show, Vanderpump Rules, to come back. Continue reading
Real Hockwives 