Oh, Countess LuAnn.  You are truly the gift that keeps on giving.  After ditching her holier than thou attitude post-divorce from the Count, LuAnn’s weird reemergence as a hard-partying sixth-year senior (who is not going to graduate this semester, no matter what her bitch stepmom says) who is so clearly OVER it all is AMAZING.  I mean, her music career alone!  I could listen to “Money Can’t Buy You Class” on an endless loop forever and be so so happy.

But even with all of my LuAnn love, I could not force myself to buy a piece from “The Countess Collection.”  I mean, THESE CLOHTES!  We all know Lulu loves her a chunky necklace and a GOWN.

However, “The Countess Collection” does not look fit for a… homeless person with marginally mediocre taste.  It claims that you will “experience the sleek and royally chic” life by wearing these clothes.  Now, I haven’t (and will never, God willing) wear these items, but I’d bet ya a bottle of Tipsy Girl (side note: can’t wait to try that mess) that you will not experience the sleek and royally chic life in… these clothes.

So, the Countess clearly needs a paycheck, and I can’t fault her for that.  Onto the clothes…

So, first up, there’s this…

It basically looks like toddler pajamas with a blankie attached (which is actually sort of GENIUS as you would never accidentally forget the blanket at home!  note to self: get on this idea immediately).  Who is this outfit for?  Where on earth would you wear this?  Adult pajama day at work?  Somewhere that your left arm would stay toasty but your right arm has a weird sling thingy to warm it up if needed?  A rib-eating contest, as you have a built-in bib (plus you don’t give a shit if you ruin this horrible outfit with sauce splatters?)

I’m at a loss.  But that little number can be yours for $36.60.

Don’t worry!  That wasn’t the only jumpsuit in this “collection.”

It looks like what you would wear to a casino if you were broke af and were planning to pretend to play slots to get free drinks.

The description reassures you that this hot piece is “fully-lined.”  I mean… did you think it wasn’t going to be?  Like it would just be lace and nothing underneath?

You know how you can NEVER find anything to wear to your coven events to impress your fellow witches?  Well, you are IN LUCK!

Unfortunately, this beautiful top only has one review and it is not good.  Apparently, the person who bought it says it looks like it was cut out of a cheap lace tablecloth in person (which, to be fair, is exactly how it looks in the photo).  I bet I know one housewife who would be interested…

Overall, all of these clothes just look super cheap and incredibly unflattering.   Maybe the Countess’s next Collection really will allow us to live the chic and royal life that she used to, but this one… swing and a miss.