not gonna lie, I’m legit excited for this. image source: amazon.com
Oh Holly Madison. I can’t quit you, even though I REALLY wanted to after reading The Vegas Diaries and couldn’t stand to hear one more second of your victimhood. But then my sweet sister-in-law gave me this book for my birthday and I realized maybe I just didn’t care that much about Holly’s life post-mansion, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE a good tell-all! So hold on to your hats, kids. This one is a doozy!
missed part one, part two, part three or part four?
So, Rob Kardashian has dipped out on the family and for once, this doesn’t seem to be manufactured drama for Keeping up with the Kardashians. He basically deleted his social media accounts, which were a big part of his income (due to shilling all of the stuff that all reality people seem to: detox teas, teeth whiteners, protein powders, etc). Shockingly, Rob even stopped appearing on the show. The family still mentioned him regularly, but usually just to comment on how sad his situation was. His anger at Kim seemed to be the only thing Rob put out in public periodically.
watch out, neil patrick harris. kim kardashian is coming for youuuuu. image source: people funny.com
missed part one, two or three?
So Kim filed for divorce after a scant 72 days and the public response was… harsh. Everyone from Jon Hamm to Reese Witherspoon threw shade at Kim and her family for the lack of “reality” in all of their ventures.
snl’s nasim pedrad as kim was fantastic. image source: azcentral.com
missed part one or part two? check ’em out!
So it’s 2004 and Paris Hilton is EVERYWHERE. After “someone else” leaked her sex tape with Rick Soloman (who was once married to Pamela Anderson, the queen of the celeb sex tape), Paris became famous for being famous. She and her BFF Nicole Richie starred in the reality show The Simple Life, and young girls everywhere started wanting ridiculously short skirts, super deep tans and for all of their brain cells to disappear.
god I love how tacky the early aughts were. image source: giphy.com
missed part one? check it out!
SO where were we? Ah yes, Kris has finally separated from Robert and the beginning of their nasty split has taken a toll on the family. Kris swears off men for approximately 0.02 seconds before her friend introduces her to Olympian Bruce Jenner. And the rest is history!
can you imagine if these were your parents? image source: giphy.com
all of this is my fault! and ray j’s! and prolly paris hilton’s. image source: giphy.com
YOU GUYS. I have to admit something… I am kind of cheating here. Kardashian Dynasty was not texted in emojis by Kylie. Or slurred in a bender mess from Lord Disick. In fact, this book wasn’t written by a Kardashian at all. For the first time in Coral and Slate history, I am reviewing a book about a reality star that isn’t actually by them (and by that, I mean that it wasn’t written by a ghost writer with the star’s name on it/permission).
So where were we? Ah yes, our Holls has finally met a nice guy! Even though she has some reservations (Mark is only 23 to her 31, he lives in NYC, he seems soooo nice, he doesn’t wear a side-cocked trucker hat or a silk smoking jacket, etc.), Holly is happy that she met someone she can actually be herself with.
OR CAN SHE?
maybe dawson is still single? image source: spoilthedead.com
missed part one? check it out here!
So where were we? Ah yes, Holly is desperate to prove everyone (literally, every being on the planet) that she can make it on her own without Hef! And that someday, someone will be able to love her for who she is, not what she can do for them (and they can look past the fact that she basically was a part of a harem for several years). AND DON’T YOU TRY TO SAY OTHERWISE!
like john locke before her, holly will also miraculously overcome paralysis- romantic & professional paralysis! image source: supjdlv.com
can anyone else not stop staring at her boobs? image source: HarperCollins.com
Ah, Holly Madison. The woman once mostly known for being inexplicably in love with Hugh Hefner and wearing either nothing or Juicy Couture velour tracksuits has proven herself to be quite the storyteller. I LOVED her first book, Down the Rabbit Hole, which I will be reviewing at a later date. That book dealt with Holly’s time at the Playboy Mansion as Hef’s number one girlfriend, E!’s The Girls Next Door and her life post-Playboy as a showgirl in Las Vegas. This book takes place at the same juncture, but focuses more on her dating adventures after Hef and Las Vegas magician (and resident d-bag) Criss Angel.
missed parts one and two? check ’em out!
pretty please? image source: tamaratattles.com
Like the third installment of a reunion from RHONY, we are almost to the end, y’all. When we left off, Bethenny was telling us to get a life and be a well-rounded person, but on for yo’ mans. Next, she goes through relationship milestones and how to measure where you stand with your guy. Which, again, is one part makes sense to two parts crazy. Which, essentially, is a skinnygirlfriend recipe.
Real Hockwives 