can anyone else not stop staring at her boobs? image source: HarperCollins.com

Ah, Holly Madison.  The woman once mostly known for being inexplicably in love with Hugh Hefner and wearing either nothing or Juicy Couture velour tracksuits has proven herself to be quite the storyteller.  I LOVED her first book, Down the Rabbit Hole, which I will be reviewing at a later date.  That book dealt with Holly’s time at the Playboy Mansion as Hef’s number one girlfriend, E!’s The Girls Next Door and her life post-Playboy as a showgirl in Las Vegas.  This book takes place at the same juncture, but focuses more on her dating adventures after Hef and Las Vegas magician (and resident d-bag) Criss Angel.

SEH SEH SEH DEEP. image source: tumblr.com

I mean, after dating a mummy in a silk robe and whatever Criss Angel is (a jaeger-stained Von Dutch hat come to life?  An Ed Hardy t-shirt that won’t stop texting you?), what could possibly be next for Holly?

10/10 would pay 11 bajillion dollars to see Holly Madison date Gob Bluth. image source: pinterest.com

Well, we are about to find out….

In Down the Rabbit Hole, Holly used an Alice in Wonderland allegory and the main theme in this book is the Wizard of Oz.  Like Dorothy, Holly heads to a strange new world and tries to find herself while navigating the yellow brick road (aka the Vegas strip).  Along the way, Holly makes a gaggle of crazy new girlfriends (presumably with better laughs and more brains than her previous group, a la Kendra Wilkinson) and dates a variety of good guys and more douchebags.  Just like Dorothy!

somewhere, over the bellagio… image source: forums.theknot.com

After recapping her time on Dancing with the Stars! (Holly is v v proud of this accomplishment), Holly manages to land herself her own show on the Vegas strip: Peep Show at Planet Hollywood.  Before the final decision, Holly was whisked off to Vegas for a promotional nightclub appearance.  It was 2009 and Vegas nightclubs were still a big thing.  Holly met two new Vegas friends while on this trip: Nancy, her nightclub liaison and hostess, and Hannah, a well-dressed firecracker whom Holly met helping her ditch a date she was sick of.  After all of the nonsense at the mansion, Holly finally felt like her future was looking up!

SUCK IT, HEF. image source: giphy.com

Holly is actually a very well-spoken woman and although I am positive she had a lot of help writing this book, she spins a good story and is a great narrator.  HOWEVER, as with her first book, Holly is such a perma-victim that it is hard to believe her half the time.  Every man, woman and tree is out to get her, be rude to her, and insinuate that she is nothing without Kendra, Bridget and Hef.  In her previous book, every one of Hef’s other girlfriends (besides Bridget) were absolutely horrible to Holly and were constantly trying to sabotage her while she was perfectly polite and just tried to make friends.  Now, almost everyone Holly meets tells her to her face that she is a loser and WILL NOT make it on her own so why even try?

everyone at InTouch is trying to murder me! with words! image source: goodreads.com

We are also introduced to Lindsay, another of Holly’s Vegas gals who is beautiful and a very talented dancer but is employed by the sleaziest topless review on the strip.  Based on Holly’s series of women out to get her, I can’t wait to see how Lindsay will fuck her over in the end.

funny, i always thought of Holly as the Regina George of the GND. image source: mtv.com

After a weird story involving Blackberry messaging and Russell Brand (see, this book is very 2009), Holly is once again frustrated that she can’t even meet a man without the whole world being sure she is boning him.  Although I’m sure it is frustrating to be constantly labeled a whore in the media, I mean, can you blame them (us)?  You were on a “reality” show for five years where you were half naked declaring your love for a rich elderly man that basically just seemed like a classier mash-up of Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall meets Sister Wives.  That may just be the grossest sentence i have ever written.  And I have written EXTENSIVELY about Joe Giudice.

Next up, we follow Holly down the yellow brick road (trash and vomit strewn Las Vegas Blvd) with her romantic adventures…

yay… i mean… wow… image source: tumblr.com