The Countess Collection: A Review

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countess 1

“buy my shit or don’t. whatever. pass the bottle.” image source: giphy.com

Oh, Countess LuAnn.  You are truly the gift that keeps on giving.  After ditching her holier than thou attitude post-divorce from the Count, LuAnn’s weird reemergence as a hard-partying sixth-year senior (who is not going to graduate this semester, no matter what her bitch stepmom says) who is so clearly OVER it all is AMAZING.  I mean, her music career alone!  I could listen to “Money Can’t Buy You Class” on an endless loop forever and be so so happy.

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LVP Sangria: A Review

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lvp 1

life isn’t all boone’s farm in a prettier package, but it should be.

Ah, Lisa Vanderpump.  How can you not love this woman?  She is like a British brunette, business-savvy Strawberry Shortcake brought to life.  As Beverly Hills tends to be the most fantastical of all of the Real Housewives (or Houzzzzwiiiives, as Kyle Richards says) franchises, and Lisa’s own Xanadu, Villa Rosa, has live swans to greet you at the floating walkway to her front door.

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Love Italian Style: Part One

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love italian

gee, this sounds… I… what? image source: amazon.com

I should’ve known what I was in for when one of the Amazon reviews of this book was “I thought this was a transcript from a domestic abuse trial.”  What did I expect from Melissa Gorga, RHONJ’s bargain-basement (and sister-in-law of) Teresa Giudice?

FIRST OF ALL, I got the audiobook because these women are hilarious to listen to (even though I got pretty BADLY burned by Teresa’s “performance” of Turning the Tables). Guess what?  Melissa doesn’t even EFFING READ THIS HERSELF.

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Life on the Ramona Coaster: Part Two

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Missed part one?  You can read it here

ramona nuts

I’m ready to get of the Ramona coaster now, please.  image source: promogif.com

So where were we?  Ah yes, Ramona gets to now tell us how to stay fit and look young forever, like her.  Well, she actually doesn’t tell us how she does it, just that she does.  She literally has Sports Illustrated-esque photos of herself in a bikini which she captions “my fit body.”  I would love to share them here but Ramona Singer, Age 56 seems like one litigious lady.  I mean, she does look great, but…

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Gretchen Rossi’s… Website

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dear-god-gretchen

in heaven, there is no beaute. image source: bornefair.wordpress.com

YOU GUYS.  I am still hard at work on finishing Strong Looks Better Naked, if only so I can understand what that title effing means, but while casually perusing the web for additional Real Housewives products, I decided to take a gander at former OC housewife Gretchen Rossi’s website.  Under her label (?) Gretchen Christine, she sells basically everything you never wanted.

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Strong Looks Better Naked: Recipes

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After I finished.. whatever the first section (read it here) of Strong Looks Better Naked is, I figured I had to make at least one recipe of Khloe’s to see if my ass would magically grow into bulbous perfection too.  Plus, they are like the most basic things you have ever read.  Seriously.

First, I thought I would make her “Kris Jenner” cocktail in honor of her now defunct show, Kocktails with Khloe (I accidentally wrote Kocktalks first and I think that would have made an excellent show name.  Especially for a Kardashian).  Hilariously, it is LITERALLY a vodka soda.  With lime.  And a watermelon (?) garnish.

Literally.

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