this is so photoshopped it hurts. image source: goodreads.com
Guys, are you ready to feel old af? The Hills came out TEN YEARS AGO.
TEN. Holy shit. I still think it’s 2009 most days, so this is very shocking to me. In honor of a decade of blonde women looking wistfully at the ocean from brunch restaurants, I decided to take a Bravo break and head for The Hills…
missed Part One or Part Two? check them out!
smoorgy smorgs! image source: makeagif.com
Like the good Italian that she is, Caroline included some recipes in a pdf that came with the audiobook. Now, I was actually excited to make one of Caroline’s recipes. The women of the Real Housewives of New Jersey may be nucking futs, but I assume they can cook their crazy asses off.
missed Part One? Check it out here
Where were we? Ah yes, about to jump into the wonderful world of parenting, Manzo style.
relax, christaphah, yoah like 30 yeaahs old. image source: giphy.com
So, honestly, the Manzo children do actually seem to have been raised well. Of all the real housewives, Caroline seems like she would be one of the best mothers. Her three kids all seem to be happy and being on tv doesn’t seem to have made them narcissistic blowhards, which so many kids from this franchise seem to end up becoming. Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashley, oh I’m sorry AshleE, was THE WORST. I could barely watch her scenes. And, of course, she had the most obvious reality show transformation.
about my FAMBILY! image source: newsobserver.com
After the straight nonsense that was both Turning the Tables AND Love Italian Style, I needed a little Caroline Manzo, queen of no bullshit in RHONJ fame, in my life. Caroline has always been the matriarch for the RHONJ, the grand dame who rules with an iron, ginger fist. She unfortunately left after season five (that sixth season! With those weird twins? I effing hated that mess) to be on her own show, the wonderfully (horribly? I can’t decide) titled Manzo’d with Children about her fambily.
fixed that for you. image soruce: amazon.com & mybrain.org
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Yep, we’re still here.
gee, this sounds… I… what? image source: amazon.com
I should’ve known what I was in for when one of the Amazon reviews of this book was “I thought this was a transcript from a domestic abuse trial.” What did I expect from Melissa Gorga, RHONJ’s bargain-basement (and sister-in-law of) Teresa Giudice?
FIRST OF ALL, I got the audiobook because these women are hilarious to listen to (even though I got pretty BADLY burned by Teresa’s “performance” of Turning the Tables). Guess what? Melissa doesn’t even EFFING READ THIS HERSELF.
Missed part one? You can read it here
I’m ready to get of the Ramona coaster now, please. image source: promogif.com
So where were we? Ah yes, Ramona gets to now tell us how to stay fit and look young forever, like her. Well, she actually doesn’t tell us how she does it, just that she does. She literally has Sports Illustrated-esque photos of herself in a bikini which she captions “my fit body.” I would love to share them here but Ramona Singer, Age 56 seems like one litigious lady. I mean, she does look great, but…
I already want to get off.
With the Real Housewives of New York back on our airwaves after the snoozy season of Beverly Hills (did anyone else find it to be SO boring?), I figured it was time to dip my toe into the pool of crazy that is Ramona Singer, she of the crazy eyes and drunken heart.
Read Part One here, Part Two here & Kooking with Khloe here
this is the end… my only friend, the end. image source: eonline.com
You guys! We MADE IT! The third and final installment of Khloe and Your Brain Take Obvious Town.
Find Part One here and Kooking with Khloe here
I’ve said it 4,000 times now, but this title! I can’t get over it. image source: eonline.com
So, now our BODIES are on fleek (?) but it’s time to work on our MINDS, y’all. Because, as Khlo $$ Money (she inserts that nickname in there herself, randomly) wisely says, you can’t have a STRONG body without a NAKED I mean STRONG mind.
Real Hockwives 