Even after my less-than-stellar experience with Khloe’s kollab (barf) with Kylie’s Cosmetics, I decided I had to try Kim’s new KKW collection (man, in such a politically and ethically turbulent year, all of the K’s really seem to be in poor taste).  Kim might not be everyone’s cup (kup? I KAN’T STOP!) of tea, but I think we can mostly agree that her make-up as of late is FLAWLESS.

Of course, that is mostly due to the extreme talents of her primary make-up artist, Mario Dedivanovic, whom she now co-hosts master make-up instructional classes that cost more than $500 (check out his Instagram- he is so freaking talented).  BUT this is a not a line of kosmetics (OH GOD KILL ME NOW) with Mario.  We must remember that this is a line of lipsticks that is a collaboration with a literal teenager whose favorite activities include vocal fry, getting plastic surgery (ALLEGEDLY!) and dating men old enough to have children with her brother’s baby mama.  MESSY!  So what I am saying is, although the packaging was, like Kim herself, really really pretty, I didn’t have the highest hopes for what was inside.

The first lovely surprise I got when I opened the millennial pink (KIM IS SO ON TREND YEW GUISE) box was a HAND WRITTEN (lol) note from Mrs. West herself!  Her handwriting is so perfectly her, it’s amazing.  It’s not really bad… just juvenile and exactly what you expected:

I wonder what this “surprise” coming is?  A divorce from Kanye?  Another marriage within 6 months…. TO SCOTT DISICK!?!?  A drink collection with Kendall?  Finally kicking Rob out of the family FOR GOOD!?!??!

ONTO THE LIPSTICKS!  Like the Koko collection (these are real products made by real adult women. USA! USA!) before it, Kim named all four lipsticks after her favorite thing: herself!

KIMBERLY

I didn’t do a watch photo this time as it is really fucking hard to take a photo of a lip swatch while also balancing a lipstick on your arm, but this OBVIOUSLY isn’t a beauty blog.  I figured a nice, filtered (as I had just gotten out of the shower and looked straight up Gollum, which doesn’t really play with the whole Kardashian vibe, so get off me) photo would work fine.  Plus I read this week that Kylie uses her maid’s arm for her swatches which is like the worst/best thing I have ever read.

These 4 lipsticks are honestly so close in color (all shades of pinky-beige) that I had to go to the website to get a description: a “true” nude.  Um, okay, no fake-ass nudes around here.  Here’s what it looked like:

 

 

So I guess it was pretty, but it REALLY blended into my skin tone, which isn’t always the most flattering look.  Plus, unless your teeth are like Kardashian white, it can sort of make them look less than stellar against the nude color.  That is why dark lipstick (especially with cool undertones) is our friend!

KIM

Man, the marketing geniuses over at Kylie Cosmetics really are top notch (I type Cosmetics with a K every effing time, so maybe they really are)!  Anyway, KIM is like wayyyy different than Kimberly, because this is a “peachy nude.”

 

 

It did make me look less um, dead, so I guess I liked this one better.  Honestly, they are so close in color that if all four were the same with different names, I wouldn’t have even noticed.  Like some of the lesser Kardashian-Jenners (I’m looking at your Kourtney!), it’s hard to differentiate within your own brand.

KIKI

Oooooo, different!  Nope, actually the same.  She should have called this one Berly, as it is basically the just like the others only a “pinky” nude.  At least Khloe’s colors were vastly different (and more stupidly/creatively named).

 

I guess in photos this one looks the best so far?  I dunno, in person, they pretty much looked the same.  BUT BUT BUT!  Things might just be different with

KIMMIE

Oh my.  KimmIE.  Um, okay.  This is a “DEEP” nude y’all, which is like totes different.  Actually, it is the heaviest shade but also maybe my least favorite- it has a very orange-y, Paris Hilton spray tan circa 2001 undertone that I didn’t love.

 

Overall, these are okay, I guess?  They are definitely more like a lip gloss than the matte liquid lipsticks that are so popular now.  Each one took two solid coats to get the pigment on my lips and it took SO LONG TO DRY, y’all.  I mean, I guess if what you do most of the time is be filmed in more make-up than most people wear on their wedding day while sitting around a gigantic marble island with your sisters while mumbling things like “isn’t mom such a bitch” and “what are you going to do about Scott,” you have plenty of time to let your lips dry.