Secrets of the Southern Belle: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!


thank you, Jesus. image source:

So, put down that bottle of beer.  It’s time to be a LADY, y’all.  And you can’t be lazy, but also don’t work too hard.  And have fun and be sassy but not TOO sassy.   And do all of this (in moderation, missy) with not a hair out of place.  Um, what?  I am not sure how anyone is supposed to gain anything from this.  Phaedra also recommends NOT putting it all out there and practice some modesty in dressing.  Um…


Has she not seen her own vacation looks?


now that is a nice church look! image source:

Now, part of the reason I love Phaedra is that she is a buttoned-up saucy minx who LOVES to throw shade from a perfectly made-up mouth.  HOWEVER, her hypocrisy sometimes can be… exhausting.  Phaedra is an extremely well-educated and successful woman but has a chapter entitled “Being Selectively Helpless,” which explains how to not have to do things for yourself (some of Phaedra’s friends have never gotten their own gas).  And maybe this is just a Southern thing that I don’t quite understand, but how is not being able to get your own cocktail a sign of being a lady?  Doesn’t that more just mean you are an invalid?  And when you get down to brass tacks, if Phaedra is really this uptight, how the fuck (I mean frick, of course, I AM A LADY GODDAMMIT) is she friends with Porsha?


look, it’s two ladies greeting each other cordially!  image source:

Now for some good, totally contradictory advice.  A southern belle should work hard, get a good credit rating on her own and have financial independence.  Yay!  Also, y’all can get your own fucking gas, but that is just my additional tip.

You guys… I love P. Parks but I HATE this book.  It just angers me that arguably the most successful (in the traditional professional sense) real housewife is spouting off this ridiculous ass backwards advice in 2017.  (I know this book was written in 2013, but in the current political climate, it feels even more timely).  Phaedra is so successful in everything she does and while I have no issue with aspiring to be well-dressed and classy, but telling women that they need to dress conservatively, never have more than two drinks (UM WHAT I QUIT THIS IS NOT REAL OMG NOPE I’M OUT SEE YA LATER) and not have sex before marriage is just bonkers to me.  I think women can maintain their values while working hard in their career, but I would think in this day and age that you wouldn’t expect everyone else to have the SAME values.  But shit, I mean, our current VP won’t have dinner with a woman besides his wife in any setting OR attend a party where alcohol is served without “Mother” Pence so what the fuck do I know:


i’m sure not. image source:

Speaking of OPP, Phaedra says one should never go after another woman’s husband, which, duh.  BUT in true Phaedra OG fashion, she throws shade at Kenya (who I must admit, I am warming to this season of RHOA) in the best way possible:

I once met this woman from Detroit who couldn’t stop complimenting my husband and had the nerve to have a private conversation with him related to our company in an effort to sway him to work with her.


i’ll give her that one, even though Apollo was a bust. image source:

Of course, Phaedra follows this up with the statement that Southern Belles are NOT catty.  Mmm hmm.  That’s where Miss Parks always loses me.  In the [unhinged] words of Lisa Rinna, OWN IT!  OWN your hilarious bon mots and don’t act like you are above it all when you are on a reality show, boo boo.

Next up, a bunch of marriage advice, which I tend not to take from any Bravolebrities.  Ugh.  Let’s all go have a nice cool glass of tea and take a break from Phaedra’s “advice” and think of the good times…


and we are BACK! image source: reality

4 thoughts on “Secrets of the Southern Belle: Part Two

  1. Peppermint Petty says:

    Don’t have sex before marriage? This coming from a woman who gave birth to a full-term baby while claiming to be only 6 months pregnant. Hmmmmm, something in the buttermilk ain’t clean, Phae.


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