last one I swear! missed part one, part two, part three, part four or part five? check ’em out!

Holly is finally doing it, you guys!  Except for everyone else in the world is STILL out to get her.  During her run on Dancing with the Stars, producers asked her to mention Hef and Playboy in her intro segment so people would know who she was.  Holly couldn’t BELIEVE that Playboy was still following her into her new career on her own!  Holly’s memory seems to be incredibly short as she apparently didn’t realize that without Playboy or The Girls Next Door, no one would know who she was.  She refused to mention Hef, but agreed to mention being on the show.   I understand how reality stars like Holly don’t necessarily realize that they are going to be pigeon-holed like they are when they sign on for a show, but she isn’t stupid.  She had to be aware of the fact that she was known because of Playboy, plain and simple.  However, Holly was now in the driver’s seat and ready to move on.

Even with people out to get her and Playmates hiding around every corner to sabotage her, Holly actually started making good career choices and becoming known as an individual, even separate from Kendra and Bridget.  After her turn on DWTS, Holly managed to snag another one of her goals: she headlined a Vegas show.  Even though her ex Crisssss Angellllll (I say his name in a low creepy whisper every time I type it, try it) tried to banish her from Las Vegas after their break-up, Holly wasn’t going to listen this time.  She nabbed the title role of Bo Peep in “Peep Show,” which was a sexy fairy-tale themed showcase that featured Holly showing off her newly acquired dancing skills.

Holly’s stint was only supposed to last three months, but she did so well and ticket sales were so good that they ended up making her the permanent Bo Peep, rather than having different celebrities do short guest runs.  Holly was straight killing it in Vegas and thrilled to be differentiating herself from her former persona as Hef’s devoted main broad.  With the success of her new life, Holly also managed to snag a Girls Next Door spinoff show on E!, Holly’s World, based on her new life as a single showgirl in Vegas.  I never really watched that show, but I am sure I can picture it exactly as it was.  Even with all of her good fortune, Holly couldn’t get away from Playboy (I was going to write “the stench of Playboy”, but then I threw up in my mouth).  Producers on Holly’s World insisted that she let Hef and his new girlfriends, Karissa & Kristina Shannon (twins!  oldballs man + implied incest = double the gross) and his new main girlfriend, Crystal Harris, make a cameo in an episode.

Holly got along well with the twins, but Crystal was another story.  Holly got bad vibes from Crystal the first time she met her, even though Holly went out of her way to be super friendly to her, as most of the former main girlfriends had treated Holly like shit when she was in the role.  The new three girls had replaced Holly, Bridget and Kendra in the sixth season of The Girls Next Door, which ultimately was not successful.  Holly takes GREAT delight in this, especially as the producers had reiterated to the OG trio that they were completely “replaceable.”  Holly claims to have watched none of the show except the episode she was in (these producers!  dictators, I tell ya) but then in the next breath parrots all of the ways Crystal shit all over her the whole season.

Finally, Holly gets to the part of the story we have been waiting for: her fallout with former Girls Next Door bunny Kendra Wilkinson.  (Wilkinson-Baskett?  Who cares).  Kendra asked Holly to show an episode of her show, which Holly calls “the horrible titled” Kendra On Top for the Lifetime Network.  Kendra’s E! spinoff had been cancelled along with Holly’s World after E! got a new president who was sick of all the Playboy affiliation.  Holly was game to see Kendra and be on her show, but the producers wanted to do a whole thing with Kendra being Holly’s understudy for Peep Show, whish made Holly SO MAD YEW GUISE OMG.  She says “how DARE THEY” over and over again.  And after that, she never heard from Kendra again until she saw that Kendra did an interview saying she wasn’t friends with Holly or Bridget.  Can you imagine if this is how you and your friends communicated?  Through fucking US Weekly, or more likely, Life & Style?  Anyway, Holly says she certainly doesn’t miss her!

After ALL of her hardships, failed relationships and literally every single person on the planet out to get her, Holly FINALLY found her happy ending.  She met Pasquale Rotella, creator of something called the Electric Daisy Carnival, which sounds just awful but so up Holly’s alley and they fell madly in love.  He didn’t make her share him with other women or anything!  Then she got knocked up, quit Peep Show at the height of its popularity (the show closed a few months after she left, naturally) and got married (at Disneyland of course.  Is it bad that I judge the eff out of adults that are obsessed with Disney?)  So I guess the moral of this long, convoluted tale(tail) is that even perma-victims can come out on top (suck it Kendra!)