I Suck at Relationships: Part Two

missed part one? check it out here!

suck 1

just your average girls night out in your 40s! image source: perezhilton.com

SO where were we?  Ah yes, Bethenny was telling us to keep our emotions in check and act calm and rational when dealing with other people.  You know, like she does.

Anyway, next Bethenny tells us that we need to think about what we want when we pick our partners.  What is important to you?  Excitement, compassion, loyalty, material things?  She says that most of the women she talked to were picked by their partners, not the other way around.  Bethenny divulges that the times she has been the most in love in her life are the times she pursued the man, not the other way around.  Plus, it is important to analyze what you need in a relationship before seeking out a person who can fulfill those needs.

suck 2

wow… I mean, right? image source: popkey.com

BUT of course, the good advice stops there.  Bethenny immediately launches into a chapter about “the game” and how to play it.  Again, I know that dating and relationships are not simple or everyone would be coupled up and happy and the end.  BUT I also don’t know if encouraging grownass women to play games with men is the best strategy.  She encourages women engage in a cat and mouse courtship, constantly keeping the man on his toes by pulling away when he leans in.  Which, I guess, is good advice if you are a stage five clinger who scares off every man who comes within spitting distance of you.

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every step you take… every move you make… image source: giphy.com

On the other hand, if one can’t be straight forward at some point with the person they want to be with, what is the fucking point?  Is it just to enjoy playing the game forever?  I don’t think you need to vomit your feelings all over the face of the person you just started dating, but Bethenny literally says “the person who cares the least wins.”  Which sounds like something Katherine Heigl would say to her timid assistant in a terrible romantic comedy where she plays an uptight CAREER WOMAN who accidentally sexts an unemployed drummer and then falls in love with him.  If you are totally focused on “winning” at dating, how are you ever really going to fall in love?

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pull away and win, son!  image source: askmen.com

Once again, Bethenny follows up a bananas chapter with one that makes total sense.  However, it seems to contradict everything she says about “the game.”  Bethenny says you must be open and honest with your partner and not expect him to read your mind.  I know I am guilty of this (see, husband, I am aware) and try to keep this in check.  She also says you have to tell your partner how you are feeling and be willing to be vulnerable.  YASSS I agree, but what about the fucking game?  Ugh, this is all contradictory and too prescribed.  How can you ever date successfully after reading all of this nonsense?  Whatever happened to listening to your gut?

suck 6

I need a nap too, Char. image source: weheartit.com

I mean, it doesn’t even end when you do get married, according to Bethenny.  You can still play the game with your husband!  Pull away from him and tease him, etc.  I mean, I am all for keeping things exciting in my marriage, but I am pretty sure my husband would just think I was mad at him if I starting trying to confuse the hell out of him.  Plus, who the fuck has time to do this stuff?  Am I supposed to schedule a slot for mind games into my day now?  When do you get to just be happy?

suck 7

and get fro yo and binge watch orange is the new black with only me. image source: goodreads.com

After a terrible chapter about control issues (which radiate from Bethenny like stink lines from Pig Pen), Bethenny talks about women needing to get a life outside of their relationship.  Which, again, is great advice and a great reminder, but she mostly frames it as a way to seem interesting and independent to your man, not because it will ultimately make YOU happier.  Which, ughhh… this is so exhausting.  I feel like I am dating Bethenny and she is acting like a complete crazy person and honestly I want to get off this Ramona Coaster.

suck 9

said no one ever. image source: giphy.com


Up next, part three, where I decide if I want to break up with Bethenny for good…

One thought on “I Suck at Relationships: Part Two

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