Little Kids, Big City: Part Four

missed part one, part two or part three? check em out!

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Pssshhht, Jill WISHES she were Regina George. image source: bustle.com

THANK YOU JESUS, we have finally reached the end.  One last pretentious installment of our bilingual snowflakes are better than yours!  First, after casually mentioning that their townhouse was photographed for New York Magazine, Alex says that she didn’t even notice that Johan had colored all over the walls until she saw the photos.  Um, you didn’t notice that there was fucking crayon drawings all over your walls the day you are getting your house photographed for a magazine? Continue reading

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Little Kids, Big City: Part Three

missed part one or part two? check em out!

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alex isn’t like a regular mom, she’s a cool mom! image source: world lifestyle.com

Ugh, are we still reading this?  Anyway, Alex and Simon have “spirited” children (anyone who saw them on Real Housewives of New York may have another adjective for them) and you know what?  Alex doesn’t give a shit if they are “nice.”  Um, okay.  I get you can’t control your children’s personalities, but I think raising kids to be kind isn’t some trendy nonsense that Alex and Simon are above.  There are a bunch of super boring anecdotes no one gives a shit about (Johan took Francios’s coloring book!  Mon dieu!) and then Alex goes on a long weird tangent about how even though she was raised in the midwest, she is still totes classy and urban.  Her father was in the oil business and so they HAD to live in Kansas after he bought “hundreds of acres.”  Calm down, Dorothy.  But they also had a house in the Caribbean, so don’t you DARE think Alex isn’t cultured. Continue reading

Little Kids, Big City: Part Two

missed part one? check it out!

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now THAT is friendship. image source: tumblr.com

So now we all know that Alex and Simon are better than all of us and their kids are the most bi-coastal, cultured and well-traveled tots OF ALL TIME.  You don’t have a name like Johan Van Kempen and eat McDonalds, playa.  But they are still little scamps, just like your kids!  In fact, one time, Johan thought the Hamptons was a country! Continue reading

Little Kids, Big City: Part One

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LOOK AT SIMON’S FACE. image source: amazon.com

YOU GUYS, I am sure you have heard by now that Bravo’s number one try-hard Jill Zarin is going to appear on the next season of Real Housewives of New York.  In the words of other famous New Yorker Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn’t help but wonder… whatever happened to resident weirdos Alex and Simon? Continue reading