this gonna be good. image source: walmart.com

SO I decided to finally take my first foray into Real Housewife fiction.  If anything screams “I have a totally original story idea, not just a thinly veiled version of my life as a reality star,” it’s a Bravo personality.  I know Bethenny has a book, and Kelly Bensimon suggested I check out hers (no, really, she wrote that on an instagram post I did about her book I Can Make You Hot!) but if I am going to jump into this, I want to go BIG.  And what could be better than a book by Sheree Whitfield with the words “Side Chicks” in the title?

nothing. the answer is nothing. image source: madamenoir.com

First of all, I LOVE that Sheree is back on the Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I admit, she was not always my favorite in the early seasons of RHOA (minus the whole, who gonna check me, boo? thing, which might be the best thing that has ever happened on a show ever) but to me, she is totally the Countess LuAnn of RHOA.  Like LuAnn, Sheree tried to hard to be perfect and didn’t lean into her true loony tunes self, and came off mostly as a pretentious idiot half the time.  BUT after a few seasons off the show, both women have come back with a vengeance and have become some of my favorites to watch.

yes please. image source: tumblr.com

Wives, Fiances & Side Chicks of Hotlanta (couldn’t have named it better myself) is the story of Sasha Wellington, who is Sheree with a different name.  I LOVE the descriptions of Sasha so so so much.  It is Sheree’s love letter to herself.  Sasha is beautiful, fit and so career-focused and goal-oriented that everyone she meets is jealous or intimidated by her.  Sheree is the Gretchen Wieners of the Real Housewives franchise.  She can’t help it that she is so popular.

also my dad invented toast strudel. image source: primogif.com

Anyway, Sasha leaves boring-ass Ohio behind her (although her grandma could be a real housewife, with bon mots like “only things open after 2 am are 7-11s and LEGS”), and moves to Atlanta to begin her career in fashion.  Be on the lookout for She by Sasha, because it’s coming honey!  Her apartment might be janky, but Sasha doesn’t mind.  She has a BUSINESS PLAN and the extreme dedication it takes to make it in the fashion world.  Immediately, Sasha meets Norman (“Norma to my friends, sugar!”) the most flamboyantly fabulous man since well, Dwight from RHOA.

I mean, Sasha. image source: straightfromthea.com

Sasha and Norman get on like a house on fire, even though Sasha is so straight-laced and focused on her future.  Which is in FASHION, lest you forget.  I must say, the narrator Patricia R. Floyd is pretty amazing.  I was so sad to see that She by Sheree herself was not narrating her own book, but P-Flo does a great job of imitating Sheree’s, uh, dramatic way of speaking.  Norman takes Sasha to a fancy party where he embellishes both of their backgrounds to impress some fancy attendees.  Sasha is uncomfortable but follows his lead.  She meets Paris at this party, a loud-mouthed party girl who is CLEARLY Nene Leakes-inspired.  Now, I love me some Nene, and Sasha has such a stick up her ass, when hearing about Paris (who is an Amazonian woman with a VERY loud laugh), I couldn’t help wishing that this book was actually about HER.

come sit by me, please! image source: pinterest.com

Sheree basically says that Nene, I mean Paris, twerks her ass off in front of a bunch of uppity charity women and men and wants all eyes on her.  Which, yes, sounds like Nene, but also is amazing.  She alternates between throwing shaaaaade (saying Paris dances like a total stripper, mentioning over and over again that she dropped out of college) and admitting that she is actually pretty entertaining.  However, Norman and Paris HATE each other for some reason, and Sasha intends to find out why.  Up next, hopefully we will meet some more familiar faces… do you think there is an Andy Cohen in this book?

just you wait, honey! image source: bravo.com